It’s interesting how rituals that long ago generally were part of a spiritual context have found their ways into all our lives. Might it be the morning ritual of kissing your husband before he goes off to work, specific rituals in D/s relationships, always eating your veggies before your meat, petting your cat before you leave the house or checking the mailbox when you come home, they are all part of our daily routines. The rituals don’t need to happen for us to physically function.
Instead, we participate in rituals to make ourselves feel better, to feel grounded in life, to feel closer connected to the people we have in our lives. Their intention is very similar to the spiritual rituals of praying, lighting incents or doing the cross over our chests before we enter a house of belief. They make us feel connected to the context, they make us feel committed to the cause, they make us able to embrace the role that we have chosen or were given.
In relationships, rituals can be a fantastic tool to reassure one’s partner(s) that things are still the way they are supposed to be. If you engage in certain rituals, then you voluntarily recommit to the relationship each time. I think that in relationships that involve a D/s dynamics, rituals might play an even bigger role. They reinforce and strengthen the roles in the relationship, and might make someone feel more submissive or more dominant in play or in certain every day situations.
In my current relationship we don’t have a lot of rituals that are set in stone. At least not those that could be strongly linked to a D/s dynamics. I wouldn’t mind them, but I would like to come organically, something that feels right for all parts involved and that all have a strong need for, and a satisfaction from.
Ritualized – Rituals in D/s Relationships
In a previous relationship, we had a few rituals, especially when it comes to sexual play. It fit well into the dynamics that we had. I was quite the brat with him at times, and doing certain rituals showed that he had now gotten me to submit, that I was now overpowered and embracing my sub-role. That I now was his submissive. It was both a pouty moment, and a moment where I could let go. I loved when he could push me into a position where I was humiliated and at the same time free. In a state of mind in which I was okay with giving him all the power and all the control, over me, my body, the situation.
One of the rituals has really been stuck in my mind, because it was so powerful. My submission felt instantly stronger, I felt free, I felt safer, I felt reassured in our dynamic, at least for the moment, and definitely sexually. I had to be naked, on my back, legs spread, holding them up with my hands. And I was not allowed to look up or at him. I felt exposed, I felt humiliated, and I felt aroused and submissive. The need for him to acknowledge me, my submission, to hear the “good girl” grew with every second in that position.
It was a position of anticipation, of want, of need, of pure sexual arousal, and feeling safe to be that vulnerable with him. But it wasn’t only the physical position. It was also about the words that had to be spoken. I had to say out loud that I am his sub, that he is my Master and that my body belongs to him, and that I promise to be obedient.
Those words were magical in that particular moment. I admitted that he had tamed the brat in me and that we were now in another stage of play. I meant those words, with all my heart, my mind, my body. In that moment, my body belonged to him, and I felt deeply submitted to him. It was maybe a moment of defeat for the bratty side, but it was a moment of success for the submissive side. All fight was in the past now it was time for floatiness, subspace, total submission.
He often left me hanging for a little while. I was lingering in the physical position, exposed. I had uttered the words that were true in the moment. But he observed me, he enjoyed having been able to push me there again. He enjoyed the power he had over me, and found it utterly delightful to have me suffer for a couple of minutes. But the “good girl” always came. I knew it would come. All I had to do was to be patient, I had to show him that I wanted to, that I was his sub.
I loved that ritual. It evoked so many feelings in me each time it took place. The overwhelming arousal, the slowly sliding deeper and deeper into a space of strong submission. The anticipation of what I knew was to come. Having experienced the beauty of a ritual, and how it can strengthen a relationship and a D/s connection, I am very much open to rituals in my current relationship as well. I just wouldn’t want them to be stiff have-tos, I want them to be natural and honest rituals that reinforce the D/s dynamic and make me both feel safe and strong in my submission.
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