Wax Play – Sensual Pain Play
Wax play is one of the few planned BDSM play time activities that I enjoy. I usually love going with the flow, fighting for control and spontaneous sexy play. I get too distracted and too bored when I know what it coming, and a lot of times, a lengthy process of preparations is involved in planning play scenes. Wax play needs a bit of planning ahead too, but not a lot. You need a towel, a lighter and a candle.
Just like with any sexual or non-sexual BDSM play, consent is important to be given before the scene can start. In my relationship we don’t have any lengthy discussions about that anymore, because we just have general consent, know each other’s limits and neither of us is afraid to speak up when they are uncomfortable. But if you are playing with a new partner, discussing boundaries and hard limits, coming up with a safe word together and communicating needs, is very important.
We have a wax play towel. It is an old towel that we don’t use for anything else that we just shake the remaining wax off and then put in the washer later. When you are playing with wax, it can easily happen that the surface you are lying on is getting stained, so make sure that you protect everything that is precious to you, and maybe use an old towel or blanket specifically for way play.
It is also important to know what you are doing the play primarily for. Are you doing it for pain play? Do you want to take pretty pictures? Both? Depending on your objective, you might choose a certain light or a certain position. Whatever position you decide to lie in, keep in mind that you are stuck in that position for a while. So it better be comfortable.
I don’t think I have a favourite position for wax play. It is all about which area of my body we want to cover with the hot wax. That is also something that needs to be discussed beforehand: what areas are okay to be played with, and what areas are a limit. For me anything close to my cunt, is off limits during wax play. So is my face. But anything else is fine. The nicest places to get hot wax poured on for me are my boobs and my back.
It is important to pick the right kind of candles for wax play. There are those that you can buy that are specifically made for this kind of play. They are made out of soy, and the wax doesn’t get too hot. If you use normal candles, scented candles or even tea lights, the wax can become way too hot, and you might get burns. So be safe, and purchase candles that are made for this sort of play. They are available in almost any sex shop, and you can also find them on Amazon. I know that some people first use soywax candles to build up a layer, and then use other wax on top. I personally don’t wan to take that risk because I am too worried about accidental burns.
But everyone does their own risk assessment. Pictures with normal candle wax are more beautiful because that sort of wax runs down the body, instead of creating the drops that you get from most soywax candles. There are also candles that are a blend, so if you want a running candley sort of artwork on your body, then those could be an option too. And it is also about how close from the body you hold down the candle. The further away you are, the colder the wax is when it hits the naked skin. So there are many different options and possibilities to play with heat and to test your partner’s pain acceptance levels.
One of the things that I love about wax play is the anticipation. I am lying down, waiting. And I watch him light the candle and we wait for the wax to melt enough so he can start letting it drip on me. I know it will hurt, I know it will burn a little, but I love the sensation. It is the first drop that I am scared of, the first sting of pain. But the the drops come relentlessly. It stings and I want to wiggle and crawl away. But I can’t because I know that could be unsafe. So I lie still. And take it. And enjoy it. I close my eyes and feel myself slide into subspace, the pain is becoming pleasurable and I want more, and more, and more.
Once you are done with play, it is time for the clean up! That can be a bit messy with wax but it is also fun. I love the feeling when the wax gets peeled off of my skin. It is a very soothing sensation. If you have used a lot of wax, a blunt knife (or a butter knife), might make it easier to get rid off it all. I always take a shower after, to get wash off the waxy sensation that can linger on my skin.
Wax Play on your own?
I have so far only mentioned wax play with a partner, but you can definitely do it on your own too! I have done that many times in the past. The important thing is that you are careful about which areas you are hitting with the hot wax. And you might also not be able to hold the candle too far from the body, so it does hurt a bit more if you do it on your own. I found it to be a fun way to experience with pain when I was in long distance relationships.
Wax play is pain play, but it is more sensual than impact play and maybe more suitable for those who just begin their BDSM journey than wooden paddles, nipples clamps or floggers. It is helpful to test your pain levels, but it is also a wonderful tool to create art on your body. There are so many different ways one can do wax play so I feel it is worth trying out for anyone who hasn’t given it a go yet.
Here is a video of me playing with some wax, from about two years ago. As you can see, I am holding the candle very close to my body, so the wax was quite hot!