30 Days of Submission – Day 19: Submission and Social Connections
How socially connected is your submission? Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?
I usually don’t like talking about myself and I tend to end up as the listener or the one giving suggestions, instead of actually asking for advice or help. And that is fine, most of the time. So far, I have not found social networking with other submissive very helpful for my own growth, although I enjoy reading about other people’s experiences on blogs and journal entries on Fetlife, and I have definitely learnt a thing or two through those! I usually just read up a lot when I have a question I need answered, and I have done so before I even started to engage in anything BDSM or D/s related. Naturally, I like to know what I am talking about before I am talking about it!
I am quite active on Fetlife and I am still continuing to learn what submission can mean. In the end, it is a very personal, individual and subjective definition of the term, always. Lately, I have been reading up on Domestic Discipline, rules and helpful rituals. It helps me to read about other people’s experiences: to both find out what I would love to try out and what isn’t for me at all. But I don’t exactly network with any submissives on Fetlife, other than the occasional message here and there. I mostly deal with overpushy Doms or submissives that want me to dom them.
I love the sex blogging community because a lot of the people writing are submissives (we need more blogging Doms!) and just by reading their blogs, being on Twitter and chatting with some of my fellow bloggers here and there, I definitely feel like I am more connected to other submissives. But I am not actively seeking to be understood by others. I just like to feel that I am part of something. Being a submissive is often isolating, because you cant even admit to it in society in general, with all the stigma still floating around. So knowing that I am not alone in my experiences, in my needs, my wants, is such a lovely feeling! And I get that feeling both through being active on Fetlife and in the sex blogging community.
In real life it is a tad different. I have been to several events in the local community and for some reason, women and submissives often look at me with suspicion. It might be because I look different or because I am a brat? Maybe because I am wordy and don’t come across as submissive in social interactions. I think I might just try out munches, instead of playparties and fetish parties. It is not like you can have in depth conversations at such kinds of events, people are mostly focused on playing or finding someone to play with, instead of having in depth conversations.
I have been having trouble going out or to any events lately due to physical and mental health issues, and the few times I went during the last couple of months were not enjoyable for me, because I was struggling so badly. But once things are a bit better for me (if!), then I will go to some munches. I want to get to know people in the community, to discuss things that are linked to BDSM and D/s, and even if it is just not having to hide what I like.