Body Love: V is for Vagina

My life is not like in the movies. In the movies, women encourage each other to take their tiny make up mirrors, spread their legs and look at their own vaginas. And then everyone is amazed by their beauty and they drink champagne and have a toast for being cunt-owners. My friends are pretty open-minded but we never really talked about our vaginas other than discussing which razor was best for removing the hair. I have not seen my vagina properly until my 30s. And I am not sure my life has gotten better for that.

The Looks

First off, when you are fat, looking at your vagina is very difficult. Even if you spread your legs wide enough while standing, getting a mirror low enough in between those legs so you could get actually a full picture of everything, is nearly impossible. Your stomach is in the way, your thighs are in the way, and you will most likely fall over. So these movies lie, it is not at all easy to look at your own cunt that way!

I never had any interest in seeing my own vagina. I don’t have a huge thing for genitals anyway, no matter if cocks or vaginas. Sure, I know what is what, and that there are many different sorts of vaginas, yes. I have seen the porn, I have seen the charts, I know that there is no “normal”. And I know where my vagina fits in, as it is quite closed, small and my lips are short and small. I am fine with that. But does it make me like my vagina? Do I find it beautiful? Not really. I don’t look at genitals that way, so I don’t look at my own parts that way either.

Despite all of that, I have this issue that I have talked about in an earlier post: while I am white passing, my vagina sort of reveals that I am mixed race and not really white. It doesn’t really bother me, but it was my vagina (among other things) that forced me to think more about being mixed race, and coming to terms with that.

Hairy or Smoothly Shaven?

I started shaving my vagina when I was about 15 years old. First, I only trimmed it but ever since my 20s, I am going all the way in and just shave everything off. It is easier that way, and I find it more pleasurable to not have any hair down there during sex and masturbation. And so far, all the people I have dated and had sex with, preferred no hair down there. Although I generally do not care much for how vaginas look, I definitely prefer smooth vaginas without hair to hairy ones. That is a personal preference though, each to their own.

I tried waxing once by the way. I would never ever go to a beauty salon and allow someone else to do that, because I’d have to be naked in front of a stranger (anxiety alert!). So I tried home waxing and messed it up so badly, that I pulled off some of my skin, and couldn’t sit or walk properly for weeks. Waxing is not for me!

Pleasure

What I love about my vagina, like with most of my body parts, is the pleasure that it can bring me, and how much it can take. My vagina is very sensitive, yet also very tough. It gives me multiple orgasms, vaginal and clitoral. My clit can take torture, forced orgasms, being pinched, and it is very pronounced too. So I am happy that my partners will always find my clit easily!

I also like that I can take rough sex, actually, I even crave rough fucking. I can be fucked for hours, without my cunt getting too sore. And I get wet easily, and my vagina is also pretty tight. So I am grateful that I have a vagina that is pretty good at giving me pleasure.

I have the usual issues, of course. I get the yeast infections and they get really painful for me, and sometimes last for months. It is not only the discharge, but also cramps, pain inside my cunt and sex becomes yucky. I dislike taking the medication for the infections so I often wait them out. I do not like the feeling they give me. They run in my family and I guess I will have to learn to live with them. I’m quite grateful that I don’t have other physical issues with it though. It could be much worse.

Another “negative” that sometimes bothers me about my cunt is that I don’t react much to soft touch or gentle foreplay. I am not sure if that has to do with my childhood trauma and that I can easily dissociate from physical sensations. But gentle rubbing or slow gentle penetration do absolutely nothing for me. I sometimes don’t even feel it.

It might be weird that I wrote an entire post reflecting about vagina, but our genitals are part of our bodies, and they deserve some thought too. I think that too many people worry about size and shape of genitals, instead of embracing the pleasure that they can give us. But I guess it is the same with all body parts, there are norms and being outside those norms makes us feel uncomfortable and like we are not enough.

I am doing the A to Z challenge during the month of April (and apparently the whole of May). My theme is Body Love. So you will get 26 posts from me, following the alphabet, related to the topic body love. You can check out more about the to A to Z challenge by clicking on the banner. You can find a list of sexbloggers participating in the challenge on Mrs Fever’s site.