Cuntfusion: My Racial Identity And My Rainbow Cunt
I’ve always been rather confused about my cultural and racial identity. When I look in the mirror, I see a white Caucasian woman. I assume that is what most people see as well when they look at me. My skin tone is light. my haircolour when not dyed is dark blonde. A proper white chick. But the thing is: I am not. I am just the most light-skinned sibling and for a long time I have been bullied for not being white. For a long time, people saw me as brown. And believe it or not, the confusion around my racial identity is these days closely linked to my cunt.
Mixed Race Confusion
Growing up in a German city of just 250 000 people, you stuck out when you weren’t German. And I am not racially or culturally German only. My father is from Iran, and he is very dark-skinned. During summer, when being tanned, you could almost mistake him for someone from Africa, with his curly hair in an afro, too. I might not look the part entirely, but I am just as much Persian as I am German. So growing up, I became “the other” at school.
My last name was Persian, my eyes were brown, and I had the nose, the big Iranian nose. Most people don’t see it at once. If I wouldn’t have told you, you maybe wouldn’t have noticed until now. Persians see it when I meet them on the street. It has happened more than once that total strangers started talking Farsi to me, because they were aware of that I have Persian blood in me. The kids at school saw it. And I got bullied for it.
But I am lucky. My sister and my brother got it worse. They got bullied more. Unfortunately, they got to hear the muslim whore and terrorist slurs. They are dark-skinned, they look more Persian than German. While I don’t look a lot like my German mother, I have her skin tone, and her hair colour.
I never liked the idea of being mixed race. I wanted to have a cultural and racial identity like everyone else. But I didn’t have one. I was in between, for a long time. When I started out in the goth scene, it became easier. The focus was on my light skin. I could style myself in a way that I could push the Iranian side away. And I found more and more ways to do so: Moving to Sweden, I never told anyone that I was half-Iranian. It was a new start. And when I got married, I took on my husband’s last name. It was as Swedish as it could get. I felt white. It felt good.
There are a million reasons why I don’t want to identify as a Persian. Sure, there are the prejudices, the slurs, the otherness when you are living in a predominantly white society. But I think most of it has to do with not having a connection to my father. I don’t want to feel Iranian, because that part comes from my abusive dad.
So here I am, right, thinking I mastered the racial and cultural identity thing. I mean, I am mixed, so I have more options. But I am also always going to be “the other”, if anyone ever finds out I am mixed. As for now, the only Persian thing I embrace is the food. I grew up with Iranian dishes, it was all we ate. And I still love that food. But other than that? Nah. I can speak the language but never do so. I have no Iranians in my life, as I have cut out my dad and his whole family.
The Naked Truth
All is peachy then, eh? I made my decision, most people wouldn’t know about my mixed race anyway. Unless. Unless they saw me naked. My areolas are dark. But after months of research watching Persian porn, going through pictures and comparing shades of colour, I can report that the colour of my areolas can still be placed in the white Caucasian category. Sure, there are Persian women who have my shade of areola colour, but generally, they are darker than mine.
All good then? I can happily live a life of a white Caucasian woman and no one will never know? Nope. Because there is my cunt. My cunt is the one place that pretty much reveals the truth that I rather not think about much: I am racially mixed. White cunts are pink. They are a luscious combination of light reds and shiny pinks. But my cunt? It is mixed. It has shades of light brown, of pink, of red. And in a certain light even dark brown. My cunt has all the colours of the cunt rainbow.
I never knew that, of course. I have always had weird body image issues and it wasn’t up until I sent actual cunt pictures to my partners a few years ago, that I was like: wait a minute, why isn’t my cunt like a white woman’s cunt? It didn’t bother my partner back then. And it doesn’t bother my Master now. He jokingly calls my cunt a rainbow cunt. I am pansexual, I have a multi-coloured cunt. Yes, rainbow cunt! Let’s embrace that!
Only, I can’t. I have for so long identified as a white Caucasian woman, that having a obviously racially mixed cunt, is confusing me. I don’t care what I am supposed to do. Embrace my mixed race, not deny my roots. I decide how I want to see myself. How I want to be seen. And with my abusive dad. pushing away (not denying) my Iranian part, makes me feel better. I don’t identify as Iranian. I don’t identify as mixed. But my cunt, my cunt I can’t just push away because it makes it all too obvious that there is something that just isn’t right.
My rainbow cunt is a reminder of that I can’t really choose my race, or my culture. I can decide what I represent myself as because I identify more with it. But I can’t surgically remove my mixed race. I can’t deny that there is Persian blood in my veins too. And I am lucky that I don’t have to see my cunt every day, or this would probably become a huge anxiety issue for me.
I think being mixed race can be incredibly confusing. You are always the other, you are never really part of one group. And in today’s world that is maybe fun too, because it breaks down barriers. But we all want to feel a cultural identity. if not a racial one.
I have always been fine trying to identify as white and Caucasian. Not because I want to make use of the privilege, but because it made feel better about myself. I could exclude my father from who I am and I felt more whole. But my rainbow cunt is a reminder of that it isn’t as easy as I would want it to be. I am mixed race and however hard I try to represent myself as white, one look under my skirt, and you will know that my racial identity is always going to be a complicated and confusing topic.
And here is a picture of my cunt, in all its rainbowy glory. To be fair, I deleted all pictures where it showed too obvious, but I think this one still does it justice.