Evolutionary and Revolutionary – Pictures of Me
Until 2015, I had never taken a sexy picture or a nude. I didn’t feel comfortable in my skin and I also had no reason to. Who would I share it with? My husband who could see me naked whenever he wanted to, and who I had sex with like once a year? It just never crossed my mind, to take a sexy picture. I took selfies and such, I was not out of touch with reality! But sexy pictures, me? I didn’t feel attractive and I didn’t have an exhibitionist side to me at all.
Things changed when I got divorced. I started to flirt with people online and eventually they asked for more sexy pictures (not that my face isn’t sexy!) and for the first time in my life, I tried to look pretty in a sexy pose. The difficulties of finding the right angles! In the beginning I tried to still stay clothed because nudity was just very much off-limits for me! The reason why I started to take sexy pictures? Because others wanted to see them!
It took me quite some time to even get to a point where I was comfortable to even try to take pictures of my boobs. My loathing for my body was (and still is) quite overwhelming at times, and I just couldn’t fathom the idea that anyone would want to see me naked or in a sexy pose, and actually like it!
In 2016 and 2017 I upped my game. I was in a long distance relationship, and nudes and sexy photos were an important part of our sex life! I felt definitely more comfortable to take those kinds of pictures, but it was still for someone else’s pleasure, not so much for mine. I wanted to please my boyfriend. The thought of sharing those kinds of pictures with anyone else, would have sent me into a panic attack. Why would I make myself vulnerable to humiliation and ridicule?
Then I discovered Fetlife. I saw people with all kinds of bodies posting pictures of themselves. And they all looked confident and beautiful! This wasn’t the world of porn, this was the real world. Real people with real bodies. No one was being ridiculed or humiliated (well, unless it was their kink and they asked for it!). That is when my approach towards taking sexy pictures of myself changed! I wanted to take pictures: sexy ones, naughty ones, nudes. and share them publically on Fetlife! But oh boy, my boyfriend was not happy with that. He suddenly got really protective and possessive and every picture I posted, had to be approved by him so it wouldn’t be too “porny”. That kind of put a damper on my excitement, on the other hand, it might have been a good thing: I slowly discovered what I was most comfortable with, what kind of pictures of myself I was okay with. I found my angles, I found my comfort zone, and I had fun with different themes and such.
Getting into another relationship, one that was very much D/s, I got strongly encouraged to take nudes and sexy pictures and post them on Fetlife. My current partner is an exhibitionist and loves seeing the attention I get. But he doesn’t control or wants to control what kind of pictures I take or which ones I pick to upload. With his support, I have become more daring, and in some ways maybe gone more into the “porny” direction my ex hated. I started taking pictures outdoors, I showed more of myself. And the feedback I got was overwhelmingly positive. As of this day, I still haven’t received a single negative comment on Fetlife. I know that doesn’t mean that everyone finds me attractive, or no one finds me repulsive. It means that people there have been respectful towards me so far. And it has helped me immensely with my self-confidence! Seeing that my nudes get a lot of attention, comments and I get messages about them, made me realize that even though my body is not everyone’s cup of tea, I am fuckable!
I am still no exhibitionist in real life. I don’t undress at playparties and fetish events. I don’t like the thrill of maybe getting caught outside. And there are still a lot of days where I dislike my body. Heck, there are days when I want to delete my Fetlife profile! There are a lot of positive changes in me though. I have discovered a kink of mine: I love when people tell me that they have masturbated to my pictures! I now have pictures up where I am nude, some of them in very sexual positions (legs spread, on my back, cum running out of me? Too porny for you, dear ex? Ha!). I have realized that I am more of the artsy kind, and I my main focus is not so much what is depicted but the angles and how it is presented. And well, I created this blog, haven’t I? My comfort zone has expanded. I post sexy pictures of myself in a public space now, and I openly talk about my sex life.
Kinky and Popular!
I am still only taking pictures with my phone camera. I might eventually want to get a proper camera, when I can afford it. The motivation for me to take sexy photos has changed. While back in the day, I wanted to please the people I was dating, now I am taking those pictures for myself, for my own pleasure. Taking a picture, editing it and seeing how I can create something that is beautiful, is enough. But getting attention from others, getting compliments and getting to know that I am attractive and fuckable to some, is even better. I know that most people don’t want to admit it but I don’t mind doing so: I need the positive attention from others to feel better about myself and my body.
Today I ended up in the Kinky and Popular section on Fetlife. It might not seem important to others, but for me, that is a kind of a milestone. I am a fat chick. I am not young anymore. I am not conventionally beautiful. So me ending up among the popular pretty girls, well, it makes me feel good!
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