Control Freak

This is the first time I am not doing the monthly Sinful Sunday prompt. I know that they are not mandatory but I love being challenged, and I enjoy trying out new things when it comes to my photography. The prompt is to have someone else edit your picture for you. It sounds easy enough, right? Well, it wasn’t at all for me. I had taken lots of pictures and quite liked a few of them unedited. But then I got into thinking. Who would even want to edit a picture for me?

Naturally, I asked my Master. But after playing around with edits a little, he decided that him editing my images would have a negative effect on our relationship. That might seem a bit extreme, but he is kind of right. I am very controlling when it comes to my images and I would have argued, become anxious and it would have just become a mess, because he just wouldn’t have been able to do it “right”.

So on I went, trying to figure out who I could ask. I am not particularly close to a lot of people in the sexblogging community but they still seemed like a better bet than to ask any real life friends who have never seen me naked before. And then it was also a matter of asking the right people who would feel comfortable with the prompt. So I reached out to a few people I hadn’t talked to in many months. Because let’s face it, with my the instability of my mental health, I am quite a shitty friend and I often turn silent which means keeping up friendships is impossible for me.

Fortunately, people replied and edited my pictures. Only, it didn’t feel right. The edits didn’t. I am too much of a control freak when it comes to my photography. And it is not because I don’t appreciate other people’s artistic skills. It is more like I need to make sure that I don’t feel anxiety when sharing a picture of me. I don’t only edit my pictures so they look cool or artsy. I edit them so I feel good about myself. So I look as sexy as possible and don’t get anxiety knowing that there are sinful images of me out there on the internet. My body image issues are quite severe but I can control them with having control over what I look like and how I present myself.

So I couldn’t do this prompt. It all just turned into a huge ball of anxiety for me. Who to ask? How to appreciate what they did to my pictures? How to tell them that I am too much of a control freak to be able to like their pictures more than what I would do? It was all just terrible! I do my art for me, not for others. I appreciate and love positive comments and even feedback. But I need to be the one creating it, I need to feel comfortable with how I present myself and what I show the world.

If anything, this prompt has been a challenge for me because I don’t like the way I look, I don’t know how to keep friendships alive or how to build them, and I am a control freak. Basically, I am a mess. And as an artist, I can only work alone. And let’s be honest, a lot of the best artists are messy loners!

Having said all of that, I love the edit I did this on this image. I have been going more into a dark direction with my pictures lately because it has been representative of my mood. And now that it is October, I feel like it is very much on theme with Halloween coming up. I look hot, and dark, and intriguing. So instead of creating more anxiety for myself, I am sharing an image of myself that has the stamp of approval from the only person that matters when it comes to my photography: myself. Also, you can all expect a lot of Halloween and dark pictures throughout this month from me, so be prepared!

If you want to find out who has been braver than me this week, and actually allowed someone else to edit their picture, click on the lips!

If you want to see more naked and sexy pictures of me, and videos too, then head on over to my OnlyFans. There are whole photosets, snapshots, videos and clips. All the artsy, sexy, kinky and explicit stuff that you can imagine. Just click here and subscribe! Yes, I know you want to!