Control Freak

control freak
©DeviantSuccubus

This is the first time I am not doing the monthly Sinful Sunday prompt. I know that they are not mandatory but I love being challenged, and I enjoy trying out new things when it comes to my photography. The prompt is to have someone else edit your picture for you. It sounds easy enough, right? Well, it wasn’t at all for me. I had taken lots of pictures and quite liked a few of them unedited. But then I got into thinking. Who would even want to edit a picture for me?

Naturally, I asked my Master. But after playing around with edits a little, he decided that him editing my images would have a negative effect on our relationship. That might seem a bit extreme, but he is kind of right. I am very controlling when it comes to my images and I would have argued, become anxious and it would have just become a mess, because he just wouldn’t have been able to do it “right”.

So on I went, trying to figure out who I could ask. I am not particularly close to a lot of people in the sexblogging community but they still seemed like a better bet than to ask any real life friends who have never seen me naked before. And then it was also a matter of asking the right people who would feel comfortable with the prompt. So I reached out to a few people I hadn’t talked to in many months. Because let’s face it, with my the instability of my mental health, I am quite a shitty friend and I often turn silent which means keeping up friendships is impossible for me.

Fortunately, people replied and edited my pictures. Only, it didn’t feel right. The edits didn’t. I am too much of a control freak when it comes to my photography. And it is not because I don’t appreciate other people’s artistic skills. It is more like I need to make sure that I don’t feel anxiety when sharing a picture of me. I don’t only edit my pictures so they look cool or artsy. I edit them so I feel good about myself. So I look as sexy as possible and don’t get anxiety knowing that there are sinful images of me out there on the internet. My body image issues are quite severe but I can control them with having control over what I look like and how I present myself.

So I couldn’t do this prompt. It all just turned into a huge ball of anxiety for me. Who to ask? How to appreciate what they did to my pictures? How to tell them that I am too much of a control freak to be able to like their pictures more than what I would do? It was all just terrible! I do my art for me, not for others. I appreciate and love positive comments and even feedback. But I need to be the one creating it, I need to feel comfortable with how I present myself and what I show the world.

If anything, this prompt has been a challenge for me because I don’t like the way I look, I don’t know how to keep friendships alive or how to build them, and I am a control freak. Basically, I am a mess. And as an artist, I can only work alone. And let’s be honest, a lot of the best artists are messy loners!

Having said all of that, I love the edit I did this on this image. I have been going more into a dark direction with my pictures lately because it has been representative of my mood. And now that it is October, I feel like it is very much on theme with Halloween coming up. I look hot, and dark, and intriguing. So instead of creating more anxiety for myself, I am sharing an image of myself that has the stamp of approval from the only person that matters when it comes to my photography: myself. Also, you can all expect a lot of Halloween and dark pictures throughout this month from me, so be prepared!

If you want to find out who has been braver than me this week, and actually allowed someone else to edit their picture, click on the lips!

Sinful Sunday

If you want to see more naked and sexy pictures of me, and videos too, then head on over to my OnlyFans. There are whole photosets, snapshots, videos and clips. All the artsy, sexy, kinky and explicit stuff that you can imagine. Just click here and subscribe! Yes, I know you want to!

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12 Responses

  1. Zebra Rose says:

    I can 100% relate to what you say here about wanting to keep control over your self-perception through editing. Your pic is stunning x

  2. Well I always enjoy your photos so much … and that is because they are you as you see yourself. That is what makes them so strong and powerful, sexy and beautiful .
    And this is just as lovely as always !!!
    Xxx – K

  3. I love your photography, Devie – I can totally understand the feeling of not wanting to hand over control x

  4. Exposing40 says:

    I really appreciate the honesty in this post. And your images have such a distinctive style it may make it extra hard to see a different kind of edit. This is a great image and I think that you’ve explores the prompt so thoroughly in your head you are entitled to say to met it!!! 🙂

  5. PurpleSole says:

    Frankly the way you do your photos are amazing so why would you want help 😋. Looking forward to you bringing the dark!

  6. This is a beautiul image. If you are like me then you use blogging as a way to help relieve your mental health issues rather than add to them. Well done for trying, but also for recognising the impact it was having on you. This is a great image.

  7. sub-Bee says:

    I totally understand how you feel about giving up control. We know what we like and trusting someone else is so hard!

    And I do love your editing style, it’s so perfectly you!

  8. MrsK says:

    The one thing that really stands out in your oi tures is the real you. I don’t think any editing can take away from that! That being said, I feel a bit called out on the control freak aspect 😀

  9. Lisa Stone says:

    Your photos are always interesting. And this one is no exception. At the same time, it’s a pity that you did not dare to post a photo edited by someone else. Well, nothing, maybe some other time.

  10. A delightful swirl of mesh on flesh!

  11. I love the edit here, Devie. You always manage to convey a certain ‘feel’ in your images, and to me you are a real artist. I also totally get that you prefer to keep control of your images.
    ~ Marie

  12. Molly says:

    I am sorry the prompt made you anxious. I was aware for some people it would be a hard boundary which was why I talked about only doing it if it worked for you. I do understand your thoughts and feeling on this though, it took a lot for me to do it too because I tend to be a control freak about my images too. It is why I am both photographer and model. I am more than happy to be photographer for someone else but I am very rarely comfortable with someone else photographing me

    As for this image, it is dark and sultry and stunning and I am excited to see what else this ‘spooky’ month brings in terms of your photography

    Molly

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