Body Love: A is for Ass

I have always had issues with my body image. I know that most people are not entirely happy with the way that they look naked, or clothed. And it is not a continuous sort of feeling either. There are good days and bad days. We get affected by what we see everyday around us, the way people comment on our bodies and looks, and the perspective we have on beauty. There are a few truths that we all have to face: some things can’t be changed, unless you are ready to get under the knife and take that risk to meet the expectations of beauty in your head. I think a positive body image always needs to start with acceptance and the acknowledgment that it is a life-long process to work on looking at yourself and your body from a kind perspective.

Looking at my Body Piece by Piece

I don’t like my body as a whole, so I tend to try to look at things in pieces. So I can tell you about parts of my naked body that I hate and that I try to never catch from a unflattering angle, even in the mirror. There are parts that I can make to look okay, with the right angles, with the right clothes, and others that I just want to hide as much as possible. Tucking them away, layers of fabric covering them. And then there are parts that I like, parts that I don’t mind showing off. And one of those most appreciated parts of my body is my ass.

It is not that I have the kind of ass that I would find sexy in others. Or that I one day turned around, looked over my shoulder into the mirror and was like: wow! Sadly, the reason why I even considered looking at my butt from a more positive perspective is that others have complimented me on it. I have so many random memories of people saying something positive about my ass. And it didn’t matter which weight I was either. It happened when I was skinny, when I was at my heaviest, when I was normal weight, and it is happening now. The one body part I get most compliments on, is my butt.

Compliments

I remember being a teen and a guy coming up to me in a club while I was dancing and whispered into my ear: “Wow, your ass looks so hot when you dance!” I remember being outside a venue before a concert, smoking a cigarette, and the drummer and guitarist of the band were standing behind me. As they were opening the door to get inside again, one of them said: “Fuck, did you see the fabulous ass on that chick?” Or when I was on the subway in Stockholm and a random black guy with a thick Jamaican accent tells me that “Lady, your ass is great, man!” My ass pictures are the most liked and commented both on my blog and on Fetlife.

I am really sure that the main reason I like my butt is because others like it. It is round, and big. I don’t have a lot of cellulite on it, and it is perky. I am not proud of it, because well, I was just born with it, it is nothing I excessively worked for getting into the shape that it is. But well, even though I like smaller butts on others, I think my butt works well for the shape of my body.

I even enjoy watching videos of my ass being flogged, spanked, or the waves that go through it when I get fucked doggy style. I love that whenever I am not in the mood to take a nude, an ass picture will always work and get the attention I want to have. And yeah, when I look into the mirror, and I look over my shoulder, I don’t instantly look away when I see my ass.

My Ass and Body Image

But it bugs me that I only appreciate the beauty of my rear because others like it. I am quite certain that I would think totally different about it, if I others had made negative comments about it. There are other body parts of mine that have received negative comments, or no comments at all, and those parts of me I definitely dislike more. I don’t want to depend on how others see me. But I think it is something that is deep-rooted in the idea of that we want to be accepted by our peers, and we want to know that we are fuckable. I want others to think that I am attractive, of course I do! I admit that.

Knowing that I can actually see the beauty in a body part of mine, is a good thing. It means that somewhere inside me, there is a willingness to appreciate my body. I just need to find a way to expand that appreciation to other parts of my body, without having the motivation coming from the appreciation of others. And that is hard. Because as much as positive comments led to more love for myself, all the negative comments reinforced the shame I have over my body.

I am doing the A to Z challenge during the month of April. My theme is Body Love. So you will get 26 posts from me, following the alphabet, related to the topic body love. You can check out more about the to A to Z challenge by clicking on the banner. You can find a list of sexbloggers participating in the challenge on Mrs Fever’s site.