Sensual Food and Feederism
The image of feeding someone can be quite an erotic one. A chocolate covered strawberry lowered into an open, wanting mouth. The sound as the coat’s delicious sweetness cracks, teeth slowly sinking into the offered fruit. Eyes closed, lips parted, a moan of pleasure when the explosion of flavours reaches every nook in the recipient’s mouth. Knowing that you have given pleasure, aroused by the reaction of the person you are sharing the moment with. Yes, feeding someone can be very sexy. Until it becomes a dangerous fetish that is often dancing on the verge of non-consent. Feederism is a kink that not many know of but that is quite wide-spread in the fat fetishism community.
My Own Relationship with Food
Let me start with that I have an odd relationship with food. I always felt watched and judged when eating in public. When you are fat, others very much scrutinized every little thing you put into your mouth, or you want to eat. You might think that I am imagining this but it has really been like this ever since I was a child.
I was put on diets by my parents because I was naturally chubby and I would never get a man to like me if I looked like that. I had friends saying “Are you really going for another piece?” when we all, together, stood in line for a second piece of birthday cake. I had people laugh at me when I ate pizza at a food court, yelling fat-shaming slurs. At the grocery store I had a cashier jokingly ask if I was going to have a binge night when I bought five Pringles tubes that I was supposed to bring to a party.
It is hurtful. It makes your relationship with food messed up. I would never be able to sexualize food. Whipped cream on my naked body, someone feeding me chocolate covered strawberries? I would most definitely get anxiety. Add to that that most of the sexy food wouldn’t work with my diabetes and IBS, I doubt that I will ever fully be able to enjoy the full sensuality of food. Although, I can understand why others would find feeding someone, or being fed, arousing. Until it is not anymore.
Now. I hate kink shaming. And I don’t want to kink shame anyone with this post. This is an opinion coming from my own experiences. It is about what would work for me. I support all kink that is safe, consensual and that everyone is fully informed about before they are engaging in it.
Feederism is a niche kink in the fat fetishism community. See, there is something that already makes my blood boil. Fat fetishism? Do I want my body to be fetishised because it is fat? I do not. I appreciate that some people are very much into being admired for their voluptuous shape. And that is cool. But I am coming from the perspective that is a fetish is something that people normally do not get sexually aroused by. The idea of accepting that only a body that is accepted by society as a whole is attractive, and all other body types are therefore fetishes, makes me cringe.
I rather want to work on that all body types are generally understood as attractive. And I don’t want there to be a division between normal and not normal. I don’t want my body type to be seen as deviant. I want it to be seen as a body, first and foremost. The idea of fat fetishism tries to push me into a corner of deviancy I don’t want to be in.
Someone who is into boobs is not a boob fetishist, someone who finds butts to be the most attractive part about someone, is not an ass fetishist. They are still seen as part of what is considered “normal”. I want different body types to be treated that way. Skinny, fat, normal weight, short, tall. You name it. By creating a fetish around a body type, you are creating a divide and making it harder for those of us who want to question the idea of body norms.
I can accept that in this day and age, we are in no way close to have an acceptance of all body types. Norms still exist. And being part of a fat fetishism community can feel very positive for some people. They don’t need to fear to be ridiculed when showing off their curves. They get love and admiration. It can be a beautiful and safe space for people to be themselves, and might even lead to learning to love one’s own body. I can see the positive perspective and I would definitely not deny it.
A niche kink in the fat fetishism community is feederism. Feederism involves a consensual relationship between two people: a feeder/encourager and a gainer/feedee. The goal of the dynamic is to have the feedee gain weight with the help of the feeder. Some fetishized goals are a huge belly, fat all over the body, and for many only a fantasy: immobility. It might sound like a D/s sort of dynamic, but really isn’t. No one is in control, it is two people working on the same goal, and the fat person accepting to have help on their journey.
Now, there have been many stories (just google them!) around this kink. It is definitely one of the more shamed kinks. It involves a body type that is not socially accepted, and then there are also the health risks that need to be considered. While being fat doesn’t equal being unhealthy, being fed with high calorie food with lots of carbs and fat, does not equal a healthy diet. There are forums where feeders share recipes and links to restaurants with the highest calorie food. Even if there is consent, I wonder how much the participants in this kink actually are informed about health risks and such.
Consent is definitely another issue. There are quite a few cases where people were unknowingly fed by a feeder. They want to see their partner gain weight. And they did so without consent, playing with the victim’s inability to control how much and what they eat (which by the way could be easily classed as an eating disorder), and enabling them to engage in unhealthy behaviour. And the weight gain might not be pleasurable at all for the feedee, they might just feel miserable with their body. Non-consensual feederism is abuse, just like any other non-consensual play.
My Own Experiences with Feederism
I have come in touch with a feederism a few times in my life. Back in Sweden I had a friend who was in a feeder-feedee dynamic. I tried to be supportive, but when she developed health issues (fatty liver and diabetes), I became concerned. Our friendship fell apart because she felt judged by me. I was trying to make her understand limits and how her kink has actually had a negative effect on her health. But she saw that as an attack and didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. I could have maybe tried a gentler approach, because my intention was not to judge or shame her. I had been supportive of her kink and never questioned it, until her health deteriorated. It was then that I read up more about this kink and realized how dangerous it could be.
I have been approached about a dozen times by men who asked if I were interested in them becoming my feeder. It happened on Fetlife, which is a safe space for all kinks and fetishes. But I still was confused why they would assume that I’d be interested in a relationship like that. Is it because I am unafraid to show my naked body although I am fat? Does it look like I love being fat and i wouldn’t mind being fatter?
I sent them a polite message back, declining their offer, and explaining that while I am trying my best to feel okay with my body type, I am not celebrating fatness. I am celebrating that I can feel okay, even good sometimes, with my body. For me it is about self-love, not fat love. But of course it made me ponder. Are there some people out there who would just jump on the train because someone finally tells them that their body is attractive? Are they aware of the risks of this kink?
I don’t think I will ever be able to enjoy the sensuality of food in a sexual way. My relationship with food is too complicated for that. But I can see that many find certain foods sexy and love the connection of being fed in a romantic or sexual moment. One thing I will never ever engage in is feederism. I think that as long as participants in this kink are informed of the risks and are consenting, this is just as much an acceptable kink as any other. But I feel like some of the dangers are uncontrollable. Non-consensual feederism is a scary concept, and I think there really needs to be more awareness in the fat fetishism community around this.