I am edgy – The Fun of Edge Play
The mantra in BDSM play is safe, sane and consensual. You are supposed to know the limits of what is safe for your physical and mental well-being, you need to be in a sober and clear state of mind when you discuss your limits, and everything that happens between the people involved needs to be happening with consent. That is all pretty straight forward, as long as everyone is honest, communicates and uses safewords when needed. And then there is edge play. There is still the consent, there is still the importance of communication. But there is an agreement to take risks, to push the limits and to put pleasure before comfortable safety.
What I consider edge play, might not be what another person considers edge play. But I think generally it can be defined as any kind of sexual or pleasurable play within a BDSM context that involves pushing limits and could involve serious mental or physical implications if not done by someone who know what they are doing. Examples of edge play are breath play, knife play, blood play, certain rope play, consensual non-consent, CBT and other kinds of more extreme forms of pain play.
A part of why I personally like edge play is because it is, well, edgy, and a tiny bit dangerous. There is a certain thrill to it. But it is not only that. I am the submissive. So I give up all of the control to the Dominant during play. To be able to engage in edge play with someone, I need to trust them fully, and need to make sure that the person is capable of accepting limits and willing to educate themselves before going for it. Some edge play, like fake hanging, or even knife play, needs a lot of preparation and training. Edge play does make me feel more submissive. I think it is related to the level of trust that I have to have for my Master. I need to trust him fully to be able to let go and allow him to do to me what he wants to do, even though there are risks.
As I said earlier, there are many different examples of edge play, and some of them are not something that I am particularly interested in. While I am not afraid of blood, blood play would remind me too much of self-harm and I’d be too worried about scars. The same goes for knife play. But my Master and I engage in some form of edge play here and there.
I am very fond of breath play. There is always the risk of fainting, and a very small risk of brain damage from oxygen deprivation. But my Master is very good at reading me and releases his grip on my throat always just in the right moment. What I love about breath play is that I give him the power over my breathing, over one of the things that keep me alive. I love when I can feel his hand tighten around my throat, and I become dizzy. We look at each other, and I can slowly feel how the inability to breathe is making me panic, and I might even try to take a breath. But I can’t. I start feeling a little uncomfortable, our eyes still meeting. And just when it feels like I am going to pass out, he allows me to breathe again. It is just as much a mindfuck, as it is about physical control.
Another sort of physical edge play that I enjoy is punching. It is a bit more dangerous than slapping and spanking, because it can easily lead to bone bruises (I had to suffer through one or two of those because of punching). Being punched on my boobs or my butt, sometimes even my cunt, makes me drift into subspace right away. It is the intensity of the blow, the overwhelming pain and the shaking of my whole body, that just makes my mind slide into a different space. It seems violent and aggressive and I kind of like it that way sometimes, feeling the strength of my Master’s sadism. I have a bit more of a role to play when it comes to punching: I need to be still or I could get injured if the wrong part of my body takes the blow.
Some play that is a bit more focused on the mind, could be classed as edge play as well. I am thinking of extreme degradation and humiliation. Some people are even out after getting ruined: having their reputation and their life ruined by a Dominant. I would never go that far, but I definitely enjoy some more unorthodox ways of humiliation that on the wrong day could really hurt my feelings and could even lead to flashbacks and such. I am aware of the risks though, and if I am not okay enough to engage in that sort of play, then I would definitely speak up. This can be really nasty name-calling and verbal humiliation, but could also be physical things like being ignored when being fucked, being turned into a sex toy, having things inserted that are not really something I’d want inside me.
And then there’s consensual non-consenual sex. I know for a lot of people, that is a step too far. That play is called rape play by some after all. Well, I still love it. I can see why it would be seen as edge play though: there are a lot of risks for someone’s mental and physical health. This is where I really trust my Master to read me right and only take advantage of my general consent when I am in the right mind space. So far, I have not been hurt by consensual non-consensual play, but have always found it enjoyable. It is a great mindfuck. But I am also sure that if I were close to getting hurt, I’d use the safeword.
Edge play still needs consent of everyone involved, people still need to be sober to agree to it, and there still needs to be safety. The risks for mental or physical hurt are higher, so it is even more important that you play with someone that you trust, that you are not afraid to use the safeword when needed and that there is great communication. I don’t think that anyone should be pushed into edge play, and it is totally okay if you rather stay on the safe side of things and want to engage in more common ways to do BDSM play.