My Sexual Fantasies – Private Kinks, Pansexual Needs and Being Whored Out
For most of my life, my sexual fantasies had stayed in the realm of my imagination. I am not shy to talk about things in a public setting like my blog. But if any of my partners had ever asked me, I would have just said that I don’t really have any fantasies and that I am fine with what we have. I just never felt comfortable with sex, and I always thought that the things on my mind were quite out there.
That all has changed in the last four years or so. I dated someone who was very sexually adventurous and oh my, things got really dirty. But my biggest fantasies, being submissive, controlled, experience pain and humiliation, were still something that I didn’t bring up. There was a sort of D/s element to our relationship that later even evolved to a Daddy/lg dynamics for a while, when I was actively polyamorous and also dating my current Master.
It was first with my Master that I was able to express what I would really want to try out in the bedroom, and even relationship wise. When we started dating, or well, playing, I was very much aware of that he was a Dom. That was one the reasons why I approached him about sex in the first place: I had had this strong urge to be submissive and to try out BDSM for such a long time. And when I found out that one of the people that I most trusted in the world, was actually a Dom, I just couldn’t hold back anymore. So I asked if he’d hypothetically be interested in playing, and after some back and forth about boundaries, consent and relationship forms, things started off really great.
Talking About Fantasies: They Become A Reality!
I am not scared to mention any fantasies to my Master. Sure, there are some things he wouldn’t want to do, or wouldn’t be able to do. I am pansexual, and I sometimes miss playing or being with someone who doesn’t fit the heterosexual male norm. I have dated women and trans* people in the past., and I definitely have my types.
Actually, as of late, there has been this genderfluid person in my life, that I am passionately attracted to. When they are at a club or a party I am at, I can’t keep my eyes off of them. I am quite aware that they are out of my league (oh my gosh, they are several leagues above me, I am quite sure. The beauty, the coolness, the sexiness. Oh my oh my oh my!). But still, I would fuck them, if they were ever up to it. Not a question. And my Master knows about that fantasy, and encourages it even. He loves watching me adore them from afar, and even points out when he spots them first. I am wondering if he even mindfucks me about it sometimes, as he really puts some spice into that fantasy.
There is no fantasy of mine that I feel I wouldn’t tell my Master. I have shared with him the craziest kinks and his response was: yeah, why not? He is up for almost anything and although most of our sex life and our D/s is quite spontaneous and not about planned scenes, we sometimes are able to try out new kinks. Our list of fantasies and potential things to try out is incredibly long. That makes me really excited about my future sex life!
So far I talked about fantasies that are actually an option to become a reality. We are polyamorous and if I wanted to fuck someone else, we would discuss it. He is aware that there are needs he can’t meet, and he wants me to get them met if the possibility arises. Then there are fantasies that him and I can make a reality: pissplay, rape play, different sorts of impact, different scenes. And I am not shy to describe my fantasies to him when it comes to that.
Public Humiliation and Being Whored Out – A Fantasy
And then there is that one fantasy that has been on my mind for a long time. We are talking a decade or so here. It is one of my to go to fantasies when I masturbate. When I used to watch porn (I don’t do that much anymore because I don’t feel the need with a very active sex life), it was always that sort of scene I got back to.
I am talking about public humiliation, being whored out, and gang bangs. There are these amazing porn videos from kink.com where a submissive gets humiliated, whored out and fucked in a public space, like a pub or a party. The videos are labelled public disgrace.
I am so incredibly turned on by the idea! My Master presenting me to a bunch of people, humiliating and degrading me in front of them. Ripping my clothes off and slapping and spanking me in front of them. Pulling me hair and making me stand still while dozens of hands touch me wherever they please. Being forced to my knees and admitting that I am a slut, that I am a whore, that needs to be used.
Having to suck cock after cock, being thrown on a table and getting fucked in every hole possible. Having women sit on my face and having to eat pussy. Being tortured, degraded, pissed on, cum on. Getting fucked into every hole, because my Master wants that to happen. Having people observe and watch me getting used, being a good submissive, enjoying being a whore. And being made to come over and over, in front of everyone, so they can see what an obedient slut I am. Well, you get the idea, don’t you?
That is my biggest fantasy. Almost every time I masturbate, I think of a version of this. And there is a huge part of me that wants this fantasy to become a reality. So much! But then there is also this nagging part of me that makes it almost impossible to imagine it becoming more than a fantasy. Not because my Master wouldn’t want to participate. I know he’d love it. And with Fetlife and such, it wouldn’t be too difficult to figure out the logistics. No, the issue is me being uncomfortable being naked in front of others.
In my mind, there is just no way that me being the submissive part in that scenario would turn anyone on. I think I would just be incredibly anxious about being fuckable enough to a whole bunch of people. That is definitely the shy part of me still lingering in my head: I have very little confidence in my own attractiveness.
Sexual fantasies are a wonderful thing. They allow us to let our imagination roam free. Nothing needs to be off the table, only our desire sets the limits. And there is no rule that they are supposed to become a reality. Sometimes they are safer and more pleasurable in the realm of our minds, than in the harsh unpredictable reality.