30 Days of Submission – Day 16: Submission and Relationships
Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships? If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?
My submission definitely depends on my partner. It is about what kind of chemistry we have with each other, in what way we click, which kinks we share and how our personalities intertwine. Just with my current partner, I have several submissive roles, that all make sense in certain moments, with certain triggers, or a certain kind of play.
It has always been the brat role, mostly, that I have consistently had in all of my D/s relationships. In my previous relationship, I was more of a babygirl, a degradee or a slut/whore, depending on the situation. It just was the right fit. He was very caring, soft-spoken and decisive, and at the time we were dating, I needed exactly that from a Dominant.
I wasn’t in the best mental state, and he took care of me and I was able to let go with him, to let him take over. Sexually, the babygirl role worked with him too. As a matter of fact, when we discussed what we would call each other in play, we thought we would wait and see what felt most natural, and I blurted out “Daddy” in the first few minutes during a sex scene. He chuckled and responded with “Yes, babygirl?”. That moment was so beautiful, because we both found out who we wanted to be with each other.
Later on, the DD/llg connection continued, but sexually, we also tried out some other things. Painplay was part of it all, but it was not the main act. Our dynamics was a lot about sexual control, and about degradation. He could push me into spaces that I didn’t even know were possible for me, like pissplay, like double penetration, like doing degrading tasks. And I enjoyed all of it! Outside of the sexual space, it was the Daddy – babygirl connection that we both cherished most. He was a natural Dom, very manipulative and very smart.
When things started to go bad between us, those traits were used for hurting me instead. He was new to the lifestyle at that point, and he is also about ten years younger than me, so I hope that he will find ways to use his skills for good in his future relationships, instead of being stuck in immature revenge fantasies. This might sound bitter, and I am not particularly happy about how things ended, but in general, our relationship was passionate, it was respectful and we had lots of fun.
In my current relationship, things look a bit different. It is more of a mature relationship. We communicate differently, there is a different kind of respect for each other. We both know when it is time to be serious, and when it is time to play. My current Master is not specifically a Daddy Dom, but more of a caretaker Dom. The main aspects of our D/s dynamics are BDSM and painplay, control, sexual availability, caretaking and obedience. The DD/llg and degradation dynamics I had with the previous Dom, aren’t as prominent. Instead it is more of a slow progression to a TPE or a 24/7 D/s relationship.
Do I miss calling someone my Daddy? I sure do! But it just wouldn’t fit in the D/s connection I am in right now. It would seem quite awkward and out of place. We still have a sort of DD/llg thing going on though, as he is a caretaker Dom. It is sort of the same with the degradation part. Degradation is not something that we engage in, and I sometimes miss that pushing limits craziness that comes with degradation. We engage in a softer version of it, I’d maybe call it humiliation. My needs are being somewhat met in those areas. Neither of us is being pushed into something that we would feel too uncomfortable in.
As I am pansexual, I believe in that there are more than two genders. I am just saying that because the question actually kind of assumes that there are only two genders or sexes. I don’t really care about gender per se when it comes to submission. The person I submit to needs to be dominant, and needs to be superior to me in a lot of areas. And the way I submit depends on how our personalities click. and how our kinks are overlapping.
Basically, the way I submit, and the main areas of my submission, very much depend on the needs of the Dominant I engage with, and what they can offer me. I am not frozen in my way to submit, and I can be flexible.