Apologize to Me

Apology
Image from pixabay

I need you to apologize to me.

I need you to apologize to me because I sometimes question my own sanity.

I need you to apologize to me because I don’t believe myself and question my own memories.

I need you to apologize to me because I want you to admit your guilt.

I want you to apologize to me because I want to believe that you are more than just an abuser.

I want you to apologize to me because you have tainted my body and mind.

I want you to apologize to me because deep down I know that I am right and you were always wrong.

I need you to apologize to me because you are a rapist, pedophile and abuser, and there is no excuse or logical explanation for your actions.

I need you to apologize to me because that is the decent thing to do.

I need you to apologize to me because without your acknowledgment of the pain you have caused me, I am forever rotten inside.

I need you to apologize to me because you always talk about honour and it would be the honorable thing to do.

I need you to apologize to me so I know that my truth is not a lie.

I need you to apologize to me so I stop thinking it is all my own fault and I am just weak.

I need you to apologize to me so I stop having nightmares of you returning and hurting me all over again.

I need you to apologize to me so I understand that my body was never yours to use and to give to others.

I need you to apologize to me so I can start healing.

I need you to apologize to me so I don’t have to be afraid of you anymore.

I need you to apologize to me so my life has meaning.

I need you to apologize to me so all of us can stop hating you and instead forget about you.

I need you to apologize to me for what you have done to me.

I need you to apologize to me for the pain you have caused me and my sister.

I need you to apologize to me for stealing my childhood and ruining my life.

I need you to apologize to me for choosing drugs over your own children.

I need you to apologize to me for not trying harder to be a decent person.

I need you to apologize to me for making me feel unwanted and unloved.

I need you to apologize to me for allowing others to hurt me.

I need you to apologize to me for never saying that you are proud of me.

I need you to apologize to me for the times you told me how embarrassed you were of me.

I need you to apologize to me for fucking me up.

I don’t need you to apologize to me so I can forgive you. I will never forgive you.

I don’t need you to apologize to me because our relationship needs healing. I don’t want to be in touch with you.

I don’t need you to apologize for your own peace of mind. I don’t care about how you feel.

I want you to admit what you have done to me. I want you to tell me and the world what kind of a person you are. I want my truth acknowledged and not erased. I really need you to apologize to me.

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16 Responses

  1. An incredibly strong post, Devi. Yes, you do need these apologies, and I hope one day you will get it and it will bring you peace.

    Rebel xox

  2. victoriablisseuk says:

    Wow, this is so emotional, deep and real..I send you love as you deal with these emotions.

  3. I’ve come to this post a few days late. Any chance of linking it to SB4MH ? Though perhaps you have another one in mind for there this week.

    Whether someone knows part of the background to this post or not, it’s exceedingly powerful. And having read some of the background, I can hear the scream. Much thoughts with you and brava on the courage to write and post. 🌹🌹

  4. slave sindee says:

    Wow the courage to sit and write out your thoughts and really your needs absolutely incredible.
    this is a strong powerful post the lines that hit me the hardest are “… I know that my truth is not a lie. …. so I stop thinking it is all my own fault and I am just weak.”
    To me this post demonstrates how strong of a woman you truly have become. wish i could reach through this net and give you a huge hug..

  5. SassyCat says:

    Very powerful.
    Thanks to Melody for suggesting the link up and thanks D for linking it!

  6. jupitergrant says:

    This is so powerful.

  1. December 7, 2019

    […] Apologize to Me by Deviant Succubus This piece of writing is disturbing, raw and personal. It broke my heart a little to read it and that is why it gets a mention. It is so hard to write something so personal and put it out there. It’s especially hard to demand an apology. I mean, we Brits apologise loads but we never demand one back, it is seen as rude. But it isn’t. Sometimes you have every right to demand an apology and this writing strongly shows that. […]

  2. December 7, 2019

    […] Apologize to Me by Deviant Succubus […]

  3. June 13, 2020

    […] myself, and that I shouldn’t allow my abuser to have any sort of control over me anymore. (This poem sort of expresses those […]

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