A Different Kind Of Wonderland

Alice pressed against the wall
So she can see the door
In case the laughing strangers crawl and
Crush the petals on the floor

“Alice” – The Sisters of Mercy

“Off with their heads!” – she said out loud. But the two small children did not listen to her anymore. They were snoring in their bunk beds. She closed the book, and put it on the table next to the armchair she was sitting on. She got up and adjusted their blankets, switched off the light and silently closed the door. 

She had always hated this story, and of course his children would want her to read just that. Her name was Alice too, and she had long been teased for sharing it with the heroine of the fairy tale. On the counter of the kitchen stood a whiskey bottle. She snatched it off the marble and sat down on the cold floor. She couldn’t believe that she had been degraded to being a babysitter. She was an intern at a huge IT firm. She had just graduated from Cambridge and had thought that an internship would just be the right step into the market. She hadn’t counted with the misogyny of the industry. Her skills didn’t matter, she was still pushed to do womanly chores, like babysitting the boss’ children.

She took the whiskey bottle, got up and opened the door to the back garden. A cold breeze caught her flowy white dress as she stepped into the darkness. She wandered around, carelessly touching flowers and leaves, walking closer to the forest that opened up behind the well-trimmed greenery. She was frustrated and wanted to get away from that house that she didn’t belong in and that seemed more like a prison than the open spaces and free flow its architecture suggested.

She climbed over the fence that seperated neatly composed flora from the wild beauty of nature. Her long blonde hair got caught in the leaves of an oak tree and she cursed as she felt the pull on her head. She stumbled through the darkness, the warmth of the whiskey having fogged her mind, and having embraced her body with a relieving numbness. “Stupid story, stupid children, stupid men!”, she mumbled to herself. The heel of her red left shoe got stuck in the dewy soft moss and she fell, And she fell, and she fell.

Falling

She opened her eyes and found herself in a strange room, black and white tiles covering both the floor and the walls. “What the …”, she exclaimed. “Ah fuck, now I am even dreaming about that stupid wonderland. Just my luck”. She shook her head and tried to wake up but her body stayed put. She sighed and looked around. Of course, she shrugged, there was the table, there was the tiny door. She saw the cake with the note saying Eat Me. “At least I know not to be greedy!”. She pushed the cake to the side, and grabbed the tiny bottle, drinking its content. Everything around her kept turning, and seemingly became bigger.. “I am just shrinking, it is fine”, she thought to herself. The whiskey in her stomach was making her nauseous and she had to take a few deep breaths before opening the door to what she knew was the Queen of Hearts’ garden. 

She gently closed the door and looked towards the gigantic castle. “Nah, I don’t want to hang out with that sort of queen”, she mumbled and made her way to the bushes, pushing her way through the tight branches and leaves, and quickly walked towards the forest she knew was a safer place for her to be.

 A few steps in, she was suddenly caught in a cloud of smoke. “The caterpillar!”, she thought to herself. “What’s up, Absolem?”, she said out loud. She heard a cough behind her and turned around. And just as she had expected, she looked into the eyes of a giant caterpillar. “Alice, my child, how did you guess my name?”. She laughed. “I know all about you. I don’t really need to hear your life wisdom, I just want to wake up, and to be freed from this dream.”.

He looked at her with curious eyes. “A dream, Alice?”.

“Well, this is definitely some drunken dream. And I want it to stop. I really don’t like the story. I want to wake up.”

“Oh Alice, you silly child. Only you have the power to be freed, It is within you. Once you have found the mental and physical relief you are craving, you can set yourself free from the chains that you feel around your wrists and ankles, holding you down, holding you back.”

“Fuck, why am I even listening to a caterpillar?”, she thought to herself. “Yeah yeah, the power from within. Great self-help tip! So how do I discover that power to free myself?”

“Let go, and you shall discover what can set you free.”

She sighed. “Okay, well, not the most specific advice, but thank you, Absolem.”. She waved goodbye to the caterpillar and walked on.

“I wonder where that stressed out bunny is”, she thought. She looked around, expecting to see a white rabbit holding a watch, at any moment. Instead, a grinning cat appeared out of thin air. “Cheshire Cat!”, Alice exclaimed. 

“Feeling mad yet, Alice?”, the cat asked, looking at her with a tilted head.

“More frustrated than mad, to be honest”, Alice answered, “I expected the rabbit but it is nowhere to be seen, and Absolem has seemingly read too many self-help books. I just want to wake up from this dream already!

“You are not who you are supposed to be, Alice”, Cheshire Cat said, “you need to find your madness, to be yourself. Find what drives you mad. Release yourself from what holds you back!”

“I am not mad! I know this is just a dream! I just want it to stop!”, the young blonde woman responded.

“Not that kind of mad, Alice. Embrace your own madness.”, the kitty said before disappearing into thin air.

The Tea Party

Alice shook her head. None of this made sense. “We are all mad here.”, she mumbled to herself, as she continued on her path through the forest. She heard some laughter not far off and on a meadow next to a house, she found the tea party she knew she was supposed to take part in. She walked up to the table. Six pairs of eyes were looking at her. “I am Alice, and I assume you have been expecting me?” The March Hare, the Dormouse and the Mad Hatter all seemed flabbergasted.

The Hatter walked towards her first, and shook her hand. “There is no place for you at this table!”, the Hare yelled. But the Hatter took Alice’s hand and led her to a chair. “Tea, beautiful Alice?” She shook her head. “I need to ask you a question”, she said. 

“Only if you can give me the answer to a riddle!”, the Hatter exclaimed. 

“I don’t know why the raven is like a writing desk”, she shrugged.

“But, how, how did you know? You can read minds, Alice?”, the eyes of the Hatter were now fixed on her. 

“Yes, sure, I can. So, you maddies, how do I get out of here?”

“Out of here?”, the hare, the mouse and the man laughed. The mouse took a flute and started a melody, the hare played on a guitar and the Hatter tapped a porcelain cup with a spoon. “Be mad with us, Alice. Free yourself!”

She felt a curious feeling come over her body and mind, She stood up and started to dance, the music filling every fiber of her being. She twirled, she jumped, she squealed in ecstasy, her limbs following the rhythm like in a trance. But the most curious experience was the tingling in between her legs, a tingling she had so long ignored in reality. A tingling that seemed to have always gotten in the way of what she truly wanted.

Her hands wandered over her body, tracing her own luscious curves. She felt the strong urge to remove the dress and dance naked. With quick movements, she pulled down the straps of her summer dress and the gown slid down onto the grass. She stepped out of it and continued to dance, only the red high heels still covering the skin of her feet. Her hands found her round breasts and started massaging them. Her eyes were closed, her lips slightly parted. Her hips still moving to the rhythm, her hands found the tact that worked just for her.

Suddenly she heard the sound of porcelain breaking and opened her eyes. “Come, Alice, embrace yourself, be mad and release yourself from your chains!”, the Hatter shouted. He had made space for her on the table, pots, cups, plates and cutlery all spread and partly broken on the grass around the table now. She walked towards him, took his hand, and he helped her step on a chair and then climb on the table.

The hare, the mouse and the man resumed to playing the music and were now dancing around the table, shouting “Let go, Alice! Free yourself! Be mad, Alice, be mad!”. She smiled to herself. This was just a dream, so why not. She lied on her back, spread her legs and started to gently rub her button, while slightly pulling one of her nipples with the other hand. The feeling that overcame her was so familiar, but had yet become so foreign to her. She had always prioritized other things. There were more important things in life than sexual pleasure after all.

But here she was now, on her back, on a table, in some sort of wonderland, touching herself to the music created by an angry hare, a silly mouse and a mad hatter. Her eyes were closed, her breath baited, She could feel the arousal build up stronger and stronger, the wetness covering her fingers as she dipped them inside herself.

Her pushed herself against her own hand, three fingers entering and pulling out, rubbing the flesh of her tunnel roughly and in the pace she craved. Her other hand was focused on her button, gently pinching, rubbing, pulling. She moaned uncontrollably, her back was arched, her body tense yet relaxed. She had found the power within, she was embracing her own madness. She let go and was freeing herself. She felt light, almost floating over the table. All the worries of real life were far far away.

“Let go, Alice! Free yourself! Be mad, Alice, be mad!”, they were still shouting. The rhythm of the music was faster now, seemingly dictated by her movements that were becoming more and more intense. Faster, harder, rougher. She arched her back and let out a long loud scream as relief ran over her, her mind, her body, all of her. She felt the twitches of her muscles and nerves, the spasms. A wave of absolute pleasure drowned her, yet finally seemed to allow her to breathe. 

And then silence.

She opened her eyes and found herself on the wet moss she had landed on before the dream had begun. Her hands next to her face, she could smell herself, the arousal she had just experienced. The morning sun was slowly rising and she heard birds singing. Not far away, a white rabbit was sitting, looking into her direction. She confusingly looked at the animal that disappeared in between the trees. “Did the rabbit just wink at me?”, she thought to herself, as she sat up and prepared herself to walk back to house.