Dominant Men, Intellectual Superiority, Hipbones and Pain – My Turn-Ons
A few years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to answer a question about my turn ons. I would have been utterly confused by the question and would have mumbled something about Johnny Depp’s butt and how my sexuality is not important to me. Well, things have changed! I am not only aware of the things that turn me off, but I am also very aware of the things that turn me on and that make my knees tremble, my clit pulsate, my nipples harden and my mind swoon.
Personality and the Mind
Physical traits are secondary to me when it comes to an initial connection with someone. I don’t scan the people in a club or a bar and think to myself: “Oh, that person is hot!”. I get turned on by personalities, by intelligence, by humor, by wittiness, by open-mindedness. My biggest turn on is dominance in a man. Someone who is naturally dominant, who through their whole personality breathes dominance. Someone who with a look can make me silent and give me goosebumps and a strong willingness to do whatever they want me to do.
I am not talking about one of these people who just tell you what to do because they think they are a Dom. No, I am talking about those that just naturally appear superior to me, that are physically and mentally stronger than me. I can feel when someone has a strong dominant streak. If a Dom-radar is a thing, I have it! I also get turned on when I realize that someone is a sadist. There is a certain sadistic sparkle in someone’s eyes. They get squinty and excited when they watch you squirm! At the same time, there needs to be a side of care, of understand and of respect. Things that you can find in a dominant who is willing to learn and grow.
In that realm also lies unavailability. I don’t want to sound arrogant, and it might not make sense to everyone because I am a chubby girl. but I have a lot of guys trying to hit on me, follow me, want me. And I find that utterly uncomfortable and odd. I find it very enticing when someone doesn’t show any deeper interest in me in the beginning. I like the play around trying to intrigue them, to make them interested in me. Someone who is not jumping on the “I want to fuck the chubby goth chick” train, is someone who I’d go on a date with, and most likely try to fuck.
But that is not all. I am sapiosexual! I find intelligence, education, knowledge and a way with words very hot. Proper grammar is a turn on! Using punctuation! No abbreviations! Oh my! I would never be able to submit to someone, or be intimate with someone, who isn’t intelligent and educated. I think it has to do with the fact that I need to feel that someone is somehow superior to me, and that superiority needs to also be about the mind.
Physical Traits and Kinks
Personality is the biggest area of attraction for me. But there are a few physical traits that I generally find very attractive. Hipbones! I have a thing for hipbones in men! I love when they stick out. Ville Valo of the band HIM was really the first guy I was attracted to because of the hipbones. And it has nothing to do with a guy’s bodytype, for some reason, almost all men have hipbones you can see and touch.
When it comes to women, I am very much turned on by boobs! There is something very aesthetically pleasing about the female chest area that gets me going!
I have a lot of kinks, like: I get turned on by being used, humiliated and degraded. And I am a masochist and I love pain! I love orgasm denial and forced orgasms. Watersports. Hair being pulled. Being instructed and told what to do. Being tied down. Breath control. I also have quite an exhibitionist streak at times!
But all those things, the physical attributes and the kinks, all don’t matter as much as the personality does. I don’t care if a guy has fantastic hipbones and is great with a flogger. If he isn’t smart, doesn’t have a strong dominant personality and is uncaring, I wouldn’t even feel enticed enough to take off a sock.