My Submission Warmed His Heart – Kinky Advent Calendar 2020 – Day 7

I do quite a lot of random acts of kindness. I sent out over 100 Christmas cards and gifts to friends and family this year. When someone sends me a message to vent, I support them. I give things to strangers, I bake cookies for neighbours. But those are not things that I actively plan. When the mood strikes me, I do something nice for someone I care about. I am a giver. So it became a bit weird for me to actually plan a nice thing for another person and to think it through. The 7th door of the Kinky Advent Calendar got opened today, and it was all about kindness and warming someone’s heart.

I decided to do something for my Master. Sure, we live together and that makes it less complicated. But I mainly made the decision to make him feel good, because he is always giving me so much. He is my caretaker Dom in a lot of ways and lately that has been the main way for him to dominate me. I just hadn’t been feeling well and the focus was on taking care of me. And whenever that happens, our D/s doesn’t disappear, but it becomes softer. I wouldn’t call it weaker, because we are still in our roles, and in the bedroom it is always going strong. But it is softer because there isn’t much punishment, nor strong commands. And if those things don’t happen, my submission becomes softer too, and there is definitely more brattiness and petulance happening.

So I thought, after a period of more of a softer caretaker style of D/s, I’d give him my strong submission for the day. I wanted to put extra-effort into the little things, like replying properly (“Yes, Master”), not stalling things, and not questioning him.

I know all this sounds like I usually am not submissive at all. But soft submission is for me when I actively ask for help and with that make him feel needed. It is when I am still the submissive masochist in the bedroom, although I am otherwise unable to always follow commands. Soft submission is for me about putting more effort into respect, and showing appreciation, than people in vanilla relationships would do. But that soft approach to D/s isn’t what either of us wants or needs. Just sometimes, it is something we slide back into when my mental and physical health issues become a bit worse for a while.

Strong Submission

The day started with me trying very hard to not be grumpy, but to be submissive and calm. Now, I am the most grumpy person you can imagine in the mornings. I usually don’t sleep well, or much, and I am often in panic when I wake up. And I just feel like utter crap when I haven’t taken my thyroid hormones either, and food hasn’t stabilized my sugar yet. I am the “stay out of her way”-person. So you can imagine the surprised look on my Master’s face when I was kind and respectful in the morning, making sure I always addressed him correctly and getting out of bed pretty quickly.

When he told me to take my meds, he got a “Yes, Master” instead of the usual “Yeah, soon.”, and I took the meds. When he asked what I wanted for breakfast, I told him right away. He definitely realized that something was up because I hadn’t been this submissive in quite a while. So I explained to him that it was for the calendar.

I took a shower without him telling me to, and then suggested that we go out on a walk. He enjoys walks more during the day, I am more of an evening walk type of person (because no other people!). I got ready quickly and off we went. What I changed to my usual approach when our D/s is softer, which is just saying what I want or need, is that I suggested things in question form. That way he is the one making the decision. I got a Starbucks latte because he decided it. We walked into a certain direction because he decided that.

Two hours later back home, I rested a few minutes before starting to cook a meal. He didn’t command me to, but he suggested it. I was starting to feel uneasy about giving him strong submission while he was still giving me soft domination. And I saw that I made him happy with my behaviour so for the moment that was motivation enough. I cooked, we ate, I took a nap and he went to the office to fix some things. It was suggested I have a snack. At that point I was starting to feel restless about his soft approach. I need him to tell me to do something, or else. I want that “threat”, that extra-oomph, behind a command. A “Feel free to have a snack” makes me to just give him the middle finger and stick my tongue out and yell: “Make me!”.

The interesting thing is that we both felt better when the “strong” element was reintroduced. It created a constant low sexual arousal for me. And I saw that it made him happy. So I did a good job with the Kinky Advent Calendar prompt. The good thing is that it sparked a conversation between us again. We have had this conversation many times. We are both aware of why things slide into the soft approach. It is frustrating that we can’t control it.

But there might be a way to limit the possibility for it by introducing a sort of orange safeword (you know, like the street light: green is go, orange is slow down, red is stop). That orange safeword would indicate that I need him to check in with me, to ask how I am doing. For instance, if he told me to go and take a shower, but I am having a panic attack or I am feeling dizzy, I would use the orange safeword, and tell him what is going on. That way it wouldn’t feel like a rejection of his command, and I would get the care that I’d need in the moment. We would have soft D/s moments, but not soft D/s periods.

Warming my Master’s heart and putting more effort into making him happy all day, reminded me of my need for strong dominance. And he has become aware again of how much he loves when I submit without him feeling the urge to take care of me. I see that as a positive, because we both have needs that the other person can meet. And one day we might figure out how.