30 Days of Submission: Day 10 – BDSM

Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships? How do you feel about BDSM? Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?

This was kind of a funny question to me at first because I could not imagine BDSM not being a part of my submission and my D/s relationships. I then reflected a little and realized that for some people, submission is only about control or guidance, but not the other letters of the term. I assume that Domestic Discipline can also happen without pain as a punishment.

BDSM is a very sexually loaded term, and there are connections where sex doesn’t play a role. On the other hand: isn’t control already part of BDSM, especially because some people actually translate the D as Discipline and not Dominance. And what about mental torture and mindfucks? Something that first seemed so ridiculously easy to me, now made me think! I really want to read up D/s relationship without any BDSM involved at all! I will leave that to later though, because I am supposed to talk about myself, eh?

My journey with submission started mostly because I was interested in the control and pain aspects of it. I wasn’t too sure if I was even able to be fully submissive because I had always been a strong and independent woman, and I am seen by others as a leader with a dominant personality. As things progressed, I felt that the need to be submissive was just as strong as the need to feel pain, be degraded and used. That need also involved activities outside the bedroom. I was aware of that I had a submissive side, but I wasn’t too sure about, how strong that side was, especially outside the bedroom.

In order to fully explore my submissive side, I needed the other letters of the term BDSM. I needed to be forced, made to submit, been shown my place. I still need that. Now I know that I am a submissive, but I still have the need to be shown that I am one. I love being pushed to a place where I admit: “I am your puppet, Master!”

While I am not a sadist (although Master S insits on pointing out how I have strong manipulation skills, and sadistic streak. Maybe things yet to be explored), I am a strong masochist. It of course depends on the context and with whom: it is not any kind of pain caused by any person, that turns me on. It has to be with someone I trust, and I need to be in a submissive space. The kind of pain I have so far discovered I enjoy is: all kinds of impact play, nipple torture, tit torture, flogging, whipping, paddling, spanking, slapping, punching, pulling hair and skin, squeezing and pinching, clit torture (yup!), pussy spanking, pin wheels and hot wax. I might have even forgotten one or two things. Basically, I am a masochist, there is no denying that!

I never imagined the places that pain could get me into, but it can definitely make me float, squirm, scream, beg for more, and extremely aroused. I love a slow build up and I often enjoy hands on pain more than the tools being used to inflict pain. There is so much still to explore in that area though, and I am open to almost anything!

I love the confusing combination of feeling helpless and free when being tied down. Once I am in a more submissive space, I don’t necessarily need physical restraints to keep still and to let my Master control me. But having those physical restraints definitely adds some spice to the experience. It makes me feel very helpless, but also very free. I am stuck, I can’t move, so all the only option I have left is to let go and totally submit.

I would love to try out some more ropeplay. It is so beautiful. I see it as an artform and I am always amazed by people actually flying in suspension. The expression on the rope bunnies faces is something I want to experience too! But ropeplay means patience, it is not something that can just be done quick. It demands skills that need to be learned, so it is a lot of work for the rigger. The few times I have been in rope, I tremendously enjoyed it, and I really want Master S and me to explore more with rope and being tied down.

I am doing the 30 Days of Submission meme/challenge. If you are interested in doing it too, check out this link which has all the questions ready to be used!