30 Days of Submission – Day 11: Service Submission
Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submission? How do you define service? What does it mean to you? If not, what is it about the concept of service that is not for you?
When I started reading up on BDSM, D/s and the different roles that are out there, I knew right away that I am not a service submissive. The reason for that is pretty simple: I don’t have my own shit together and I am quite inconsistent when it comes to routines and being able to keep up with chores. I just wouldn’t be reliable enough. This has a lot to do with my mental health, and specifically my Bipolar Disorder.
I can go from being extremely organized and motivated for months, to being unable to even take take a shower every day or even keep up with the simplest chores for months on end. It is just hard when your level of motivation and ability is very much tied to the different episodes of an illness. All this doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t enjoy serving a Dom. I love lists, I love organizing things, I love planning. I am one of those annoying people who have bullet journals, planners and lists for everything!
It is not only the inconsistency that stops me from being a service submissive. I think it would be triggering for me to be a pure service submissive. During my childhood I was supposed to be of service to my father. He is from Iran and he was one of those old school Persian patriarchs. As a child my role was to serve him. His wishes were to be prioritized when it comes to what we ate, or when. And when he commanded you to do something for him, you better listened. I remember many many instances when I got punished because I didn’t obey right, quick enough or questioned why I had to prioritize his needs. This embraced all areas of life.
He owned a restaurant and as a 6 year old I had to work in the restaurant’s kitchen: rolling meatballs, peeling potatoes, cleaning, helping him with the taxes. Unfortunately this also took some very sick directions that I rather not talk about. So yeah, being of service to someone in all aspects of life, being their slave or servant, would just be too triggering to me.
There is also the bratty side of me, and I am quite stubborn when it comes to when I feel okay to do something that would be domestic. Always being in service would be too frustrating to me, and I think I would not consent to that at all. I need to have wiggle room, I need to be able to do some things my way, I need to be able to have a bad day without being scolded or punished for it.
Having said all that, there are certain areas where I am okay with being of service, and while those are not defined by any strict rules in my D/s relationship, we have talked about those areas and there are some things that are expected, when he sees that I am able to do them. Those things include cooking meals, cleaning, planning grocery lists. But those things seem more housewivey to me, and they don’t make me feel uncomfortable. I want to take care of the person I love.
There are definitely some areas where I am of service. But again, they were never defined as such. Some examples would be the intellectual conversations that he needs, I am definitely of service there, as I am well-educated and can always provide feedback in many different areas. It is the same with social connections, I am someone who easily gets attention, and that kind of attention is then also directed at my Dom. But! I am once again thinking if those are actually areas of service, or me just trying to enhance my partner’s life, like any good partner would? I think the lines can be a bit blurry there, especially if there are no strict rules.
The only area where I am pretty sure I am of service is sex. I am always available, and I love it that way. I love being a plaything, someone who can please another person by providing them with what they need. And this is why I can understand that some choose the path of being a service submissive. It can be a very beautiful feeling, to be of use, to be good for someone, to being able to meet someone’s needs. But for me that feeling is mostly limited to the bedroom, at least in that depth. All other areas where I am somewhat contributing in some form of service, are more areas that I feel are not closely connected to my submission, but to my role as a partner to my boyfriend.