30 Days of Submission – Day 9: Structure, Rules and Limits

Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?

Structure, rules and limits sound like quite a downer, don’t they? It sounds like school and parenting, really. You are not allowed to do certain things, you need to have routines, you need to do things in a way that is previously agreed upon. If you have a little bit of a rebellious streak, then a D/s relationship with a lot of structure, rules, limits and rituals might be a bit too much for you.

BUT! Having that structure, the limits and the rules, can also give you more room to play, to poke and to tease, if you have a bratty side! Your Dom might need to use more force, implement punishment and make sure that you understand the consequences of your behaviour. If you are more of a submissive submissive (I wonder if that is a term, haha), then the rules, limits and structure might make you feel safer and it might reinforce the D/s dynamics that you are in.

In my D/s relationship, there are a few rules (more coming soon!), and there are definitely limits. I think every D/s relationship should have hard limits and soft limits, to avoid triggers, and to build up the framework in which play or the relationship can take place. For me, having those limits, makes me feel safe in my D/s dynamics. I know that I will be respected and I am not too worried about getting too seriously hurt or triggered. My hard limit at play parties is that I don’t want anyone to remove any of my clothes, I don’t want to be naked. In pain play my hard limit is the flogging of the inner thighs. And when it comes to sex, my hard limits are scat play and anything that is illegal.

I have quite a difficult time with routines and structure in my life. Due to my mental and physical health issues, I often let things slide. I would totally love someone to give me more structure in my life, especially in my every day life. I don’t think I would need a neat plan, but some rules that I need to follow every day? Yes, I would want that. We don’t have that right now, though.

We have worked a little on our D/s relationship lately, and things have changed a bit. Instead of suggestions, I am getting commands now. That makes it harder for me to disobey. I quite like that though, it keeps me on my toes. This weekend we have planned to write down some rules for our D/s relationship, and I am really excited about that! I think they will help me with managing my life better, help me become a better submissive, and also make our relationship steadier.

I doubt that we will become more structured in our sex life any time soon though. We don’t have a strong need for that right now because we are very spontaneous, and I like that about our sex life. We don’t plan scenes, we don’t need to find time for sex. It just naturally happens every day. I think we are quite lucky that we have it that way, most D/s couples have a lot of responsibilities with family, work and a social life. I don’t work, my Master’s workplace is a five minutes walk from home so we can spend lunch together at home every day. We don’t have children. So we can have sex whenever we want.

The only kind of structure I would like to see in the future, if he agrees of course, is when it comes to planning scenes and trying out new toys and kinks. I would love to do more rope and bondage, different kinds of pain play, outdoor sex, different toys. All those require a bit of negotiation, planning and discussion beforehand. Going with the flow can be nice, but it also means that playtime is shorter, because we are both already very aroused when going into it.

I am doing the 30 Days of Submission meme/challenge. If you are interested in doing it too, check out this link which has all the questions ready to be used! Read my other 30 Days of Submission posts here.