Body Language in D/s Relationships

Body Language in D/s Relationships

His arms are wrapped around me, my head is resting on his shoulder. Our eyes are focused on the TV screen, our brains processing what we are watching. Our mouths sometimes exclaiming wonderment or disbelief. I can smell him, the scent makes me feel safe. I move closer to him, his hug becomes stronger, his fingers sinking into my shoulder for a few seconds. And I close my eyes and breathe him in, the smell of him, his warmth. I look at the TV again, but I am not as focused anymore.

My hand is resting on his stretched legs. Driven by some subconscious need, I gently let my hand slide over his thigh. He squeezes my upper arm and I hold my breath. It hurts and reminds me of his dominance. I don’t fight it, I take it in. No, I savour it. I wrap my legs around his legs, my head on his chest now. I can feel my belly pressing against his hipbone and I wiggle my hips, a strong need wanting me to be closer and closer to him. His hand is in my hair now, holding it, pulling it a little. I watch him touch his groin, adjusting himself. I smile.

He grabs my upper arm and squeezes it really hard, pulls me up, and makes me look at him. I see his facial expression and I know I am lost. His eyes squinted with a spark, his lips tense yet a sadistic smile dancing around them. Not a word is uttered. He pulls me up so I stand. And I walk to the bedroom. He doesn’t need to tell me what he wants, I know what is going to happen now. His body language described it to me in a million sweet words.

Body Language and Communication

Body language is an important part of human communication. We all know what certain movements and facial expressions mean. Without the other person telling us what is on their mind. We all try to constantly read the subtexts of body language, try to understand the effect we have on others, or determine if another person is a threat to us or not. The ability to read body language is part of our emotional intelligence and some are better at it than others. But we all have it in us: acquiring more knowledge of the people we interact with than what they tell us in their words. And just like with words, we can easily misinterpret the content of body language.

I think the more time you spend with someone, the better you learn their body language and read the things that they express without uttering a word. I can tell when my Master is upset, angry or anxious just by watching the way he sits, or moves his body, or plays with hands. And he can read my body language just as well. He comes and gives me a hug when he sees I am anxious or sad. I don’t have to say anything, he just knows. I think you can have that sort of understanding of body language in relationships, in friendships, with family or even co-workers.

Body Language in D/s Relationships

And then there is the body language in a D/s relationship. I feel that a lot of my submission, I express subsconsciously through the way my body reacts to touch, words or even just his look. You can see the submission clearly on my face. I look anticipatory, my eyes are focused on him.

I can always see when my Master is expressing his dominance long before he says a word to me. He observes me, his posture becomes somewhat more tense and intimidating, and he looks like he is ready to attack. It is actually an interesting change in his body language, he goes from relaxed and warm to tense and dominant. And of course my submissive mind reacts to that. I can see his hands being ready to touch me roughly, I can see his eyes observing my every move.

So I respond by becoming more submissive in my body language as well. My body becomes more limp, yet tense, like preparing itself for the roughness, but also being welcoming of it. My eyes try to meet his, to feel the safety and trust. And a lot of times this not even about sex, but moments in our every day life.

I think this sort of understanding of each other’s body languages becomes a vital part of every long-term D/s relationship. You have uttered the words, you have consented and discussed rules. And those things have sunk deep into you, and the way you behave in the relationship, they become a subconscious part of the relationship. And instead of you having to say the safeword, your partner just understands that they can’t push you right now, or that something else is more important than the D/s dynamics in the moment. It could be that you are tired or anxious. And if you know each other well, you know when to prioritize what just by looking at each other.

With that I don’t mean that using the safeword isn’t important, it is. And especially if you are in a new relationship, and you can’t read each other’s body language well yet. Then it is even very important to use the safeword when things feel wrong or too uncomfortable.

Sex and Body Language

When it comes to sex, body language is even more important in my relationship. And it is often the the way our bodies show our arousal, that it becomes an even stronger turn on. I am not talking about the obvious signs like an erect penis or a wet cunt, although those of course are part of the body’s way to express something as well. But the expression on my Master”s face when he hurts me, or when he humiliates me or when he fucks me, is just as much a turn on as the physical touch. When I see his muscles tense up before he punches my boobs, or his eyes observing me with a smile when he makes me feel like a slut. It is his body language that makes me feel the way he wants me to feel.

As a matter of fact, he is not a great talker during sex. But he doesn’t have to be. I see in his eyes what he wants and how he feels. I can see it in the way he reacts to my moaning, whimpering and screaming, that he is enjoying himself. There is still no greater turn on for me, than the tense face of a Dominant about to play with me. Sure, words matter, and verbal humiliation is something I enjoy very much too. But it all loses a little bit of intensity if I can’t see his body towering over me or his face expressing his sadistic enjoyment.

I think body language is even more important to a Dominant. They need to read a submissive’s reactions to make sure that things are safe, that they are not pushing too far. I know that part of why my Master always observes me so intensely during play is because he derives pleasure from seeing my reactions. He loves to see that I try to crawl away, that I’m flinching, that I look at him with fearful eyes. The right sort of subconscious and uncontrolled body language can be a turn on for both the D and the s during play.

Body language is always an important factor in human communication and the better you know each other, the easier it becomes to read each other’s feelings in the way your bodies subconsciously behave. I think that communication with words is just as important because none of us can ever be an expert in guessing another person’s innermost thoughts and emotions. But the way the body speaks during sex enhances the experience of connection, even if not a lot of words are being uttered.


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11 Responses

  1. May More says:

    Goodness I think this is a perfect post for the topic! First you own body-language then you explain – backing up with experience – different aspects of body language and intimacies in a relationship – your relationship.
    Great work, loved it
    May x

  2. I agree…body language is probably more important than words in any intimate relationship, especially a D/s relationship and even more especially during BDSM play. Those little movements and changes say so much to help to steer us. It is actually quite amazing what we can learn if we listen carefully with our eyes and skin.

  3. I think you’re right that the longer you are in a relationship the better you’ll be able to read your partner and in D/s this might mean you barely (if ever) require that safe word anymore. I think that’s one of the wonderful things about body language, one’s ability to know without needing to hear. And you put that down perfectly in one of the earlier paragraphs. I specifically loved reading that bit. “His eyes squinted with a spark, his lips tense yet a sadistic smile dancing around them. Not a word is uttered. He pulls me up so I stand. And I walk to the bedroom. He doesn’t need to tell me what he wants, I know what is going to happen now. His body language described it to me in a million sweet words.”

    • It is actually really lovely when you know that you are at that stage of your relationship, where you don’t need as many words anymore and you still know what the other person wants and is saying.

  4. Mary Wood says:

    Fine! I agree that body language can explain a lot without words.

  5. Lisa Stone says:

    Having two people in a relationship does lead to the fact that they understand each other without words. And this is amazing!

  1. June 30, 2020

    […] finally, as a bit of extra recommended reading, Deviant Succubus gives a very detailed, insightful and apt post explaining body language and how it works in her […]

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