Body Love: E is for Erection

No, this is not another post about my partner’s cock. That topic has been covered enough for now. This is a post about a really intriguing yet weird body-mind experience that I have had some years ago when my partner and I engaged in erotic hypnosis. I am a cis-gender female. Although there is a bit more to it, I don’t identify as trans*. And I never wanted to have a different sex or gender. I quite like that I have female parts and even though how I behave might be a bit more on the masculine side, the way I dress and want to see myself as, is female.

But that doesn’t stop me from wondering what it would feel like to actually have a male body, with a cock. It seems easier, doesn’t it? At least peeing does seem more convenient, standing and all, And I have also always wondered what it would feel like to penetrate someone, or to have a cock grow hard. I sort of imagine it like when the clit starts throbbing and swells up. Just on a larger scale? I think it is hard to imagine just that sort of sensation.

But that is what one of our erotic hypnosis sessions was about: to allow me to experience to have male genitalia. I know that sounds really quite out there. My partner and I have practiced erotic hypnosis for a long time, mostly when we were living on different continents and needed some sexy time that could also include D/s dynamics.

I am easily hypnotized by someone that I trust. Apparently that has to do with that my mind is prone to dissociation, and trance and dissociation are not very different from each other (I even wrote a post on trance, dissociation and subspace, if you find this topic interesting!). There were times when I’d just fall into trance by the snap of my Master’s fingers. The snap of the fingers could also make me come eventually, as he put that trigger into my mind.

What does all that have to do with my body? Well, my genitalia are female, I have a vagina. I am sure of that, and I, for myself, identify as a woman because of it. But in erotic hypnosis, you can experience physical sensations that are not real on a physical level. But they seem real, your mind tricks you into feeling and thinking they are real. On the less extreme end, you could just close your eyes and imagine someone stroking a feather over your arm. A lot of us would get goosebumps thinking about it, and would almost experience the sensation; the softness of the feather, the tender movements. On the more extreme end, in hypnotic trance, someone can make you believe your body looks different.

We have all heard of hypnotists making people believe they are a chicken, and this is no different. While I was in trance, my Master suggested to me that I had a cock. He described what it would feel like. Being a man, he of course has some experience in that area. But he made sure he didn’t use any sort of sensations that I couldn’t relate to as a woman. Hypnosis is about describing an empty framework, describing something specific yet vague enough for the person in trance to fill in the blanks so they can relate to it and allow their own imagination to paint the full picture.

So I suddenly had a cock. Well, I imagined I had one and it felt real. My mind created the physical illusion that I was indeed a cock owner. First, it made me feel uncomfortable. It was like something was in the way, hindering me from sitting right, from moving right. It was like this extra-thing that didn’t belong.

But the more I painted the picture in mind, the more I felt comfortable with the new addition to my body. And as we were doing erotic hypnosis, the focus shifted towards sexual feelings and sensations. And when you have a cock, the one sensation that tops all others is having an erection. But can you really feel like the erection in a cock that you only imagine?

Yes, you can! The way he described it, it made sense in the images I had in my mind. And it felt so real, just as much as having a cock felt real in that moment. I felt the throbbing, the growing, I felt the need to touch myself, I felt the pulse in the veins. I could feel myself getting restless. A pressure that was so overwhelming, a pressure that needed relief.

I could imagine all those things, and in that particular moment, they felt incredibly real. In that moment my body wasn’t female, it was male. It changed everything I was sure about when it comes to my physical appearance and sensations. And that is why it stopped there for me. When my Master suggested that I’d fuck someone and come inside them, I couldn’t do it. While I would love to know what it feels like to actually come for a man, and penetrate someone with a cock, my mind couldn’t go that far. So I got out of trance, and the session was over.

The whole experience made me appreciate my female body more. I became more aware of the functions, good or bad, that it had and that men don’t ever get to experience: different sorts of orgasms, the g-spot, getting wet, having your period. At the same time, I am still wondering how much different a male orgasm feels from a female orgasm.

I am doing the A to Z challenge during the month of April. My theme is Body Love. So you will get 26 posts from me, following the alphabet, related to the topic body love. You can check out more about the to A to Z challenge by clicking on the banner. You can find a list of sexbloggers participating in the challenge on Mrs Fever’s site.