Public Play Party Experience

Public play and going to kink related events isn’t necessary one of my favourite things in the world to do. But it is something that is both intriguing and fascinating: I get to see how others play, I can observe other D/s dynamics and I can feel that I am not alone with my needs for pain, domination and being controlled. The reason why I am a bit hesitant to call public play a kink of mine, is because I don’t feel comfortable with letting go in a public space. It doesn’t feel right. Instead I have often felt uncomfortable. I think that is definitely related to my body image issues, and my lack of confidence. And public play is often reduced to non-sexual scenes that involve impact and rope play. And for me, all BDSM play is sexual.

I sound awfully negative about this, but I think I still have a long way to go before I can enjoy public play in a way I have seen others enjoy it. I look at those people, seemingly confident, tied down, flogged, spanked and whipped, letting go, screaming, moaning, enjoying that others watch them suffer or inflict pain on someone else. Being seen is not an issue for me but I don’t like being judgmentally observed. And I think that is often what happens in my mind: that people will judge me. I am too bratty. Too fat. I can’t take enough pain. I am not submissive enough. Not pretty enough. Too old.

Playing at home, just with my Master watching and observing me, feels safer. I know he is attracted to me, I know he doesn’t judge. I know I don’t need to worry about comparisons of pain tolerance levels, about being too fat, or not being submissive enough. And we can fuck. The play parties I have been at, just don’t have that possibility much. There either isn’t a sex area at all, or there is one that seems cold and uninviting.

So because I can’t let go in public like others seem to be able to, it is difficult to get any kind of sexy vibe from it. I don’t sexualize people around me because of their physical attributes. I don’t get turned on when watching people play right in front of me. Instead, I find it awkward. I look at what they are doing in a way so I can acquire knowledge. Imagine me tilt my head and try to figure out how a submissive is supposed to stand properly stand when tied to a St. Andrew’s cross. That is me at play parties.

The only time I felt a sort of sexual tension at a play party was when my Master and I attended one for the first time together. I didn’t know what to expect, and everything seemed so new and exciting. New country, new city, new people. It was a spontaneous decision, to go to that play party. I wanted to go out and have sushi and he said that we’d only do that, if we went to that play party later that evening. Well, and I agreed because I really wanted that sushi!

I didn’t (and still don’t) own a lot of lingerie or fetish attire so I was freaking out a bit about what to wear. But apparently, fishnets and a bra always work! We got there quite late which I preferred. I don’t like being the one everyone is watching, I want to blend into the crowd and not become the center of attention right away. I was taken aback by how confident everyone seemed with being barely dressed! Somehow, I felt overdressed inside the place, but underdressed the moment I stepped out.

The music, the sounds of whips and floggers against naked skin, the screams and moans, the sharp sound of flat hands on naked butts. It was a very interesting vibe that hit me when I entered the play area. The one thing that turned me on in that moment was not the people around me, the half-naked bodies or seeing people play. No. It was the feeling of being able to be free and myself together with my Master.

See, when you are in public, you usually can’t openly show that you are in a D/s relationship.. my Master can’t pull my ear when I misbehave, or pull down my pants and spank me when I beg him to. I can’t call him Master out loud. But at a play party, all those things can happen, openly. And that was a turn on.

I hadn’t gone to the place to play. Instead, I had gone there without any expectations. I just wanted to check it out. But as we were sitting at a table, around us kinky people, D/s couples openly showing their dynamics, no one seemingly bothered by consensual pain or impact play, I wanted in. I poked my Master, allowed my bratty side to tickle his dominant side. And suddenly he squeezed my thigh really hard. I had to take a deep breath to not scream out loud. It really hurt. But it also put me in the right mindspace to want to play, to let go a little.

I could sense people watching us. And usually that would cause me some discomfort, but in that very moment, it felt exciting. I was the fresh meat, I was intriguing to others. We didn’t bring any of our tools or toys (because the plan hadn’t been to play), so we went to one of the wooden installations and he tied me to it with my clothes instead. We did a little bit of impact play: he punched my boobs and my stomach. And while I enjoyed what he was doing to me and we had our usual connection, I started to feel uncomfortable.

Our play is always sexual. And I can’t let go sexually with others or around others. The impact play we were doing, turned me on. But being turned in public made me feel uncomfortable. I don’t regret we did it. I enjoyed going to the first play party in a new city. And I met quite a few lovely folks. We have been to more events since then as well but my expectations when it comes to play at events have changed. I like to do impact play at parties, but more as a challenge to myself. I need to either learn to enjoy play in a way that it is not overly sexual or I need to learn how to be comfortable with feeling aroused in public.

You can read another post I have written about play parties and kink events, here.

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14 Responses

  1. E. L. Byrne says:

    I’ve been to swingers clubs but never a kinky play party. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

  2. Posy Churchgate says:

    This was interesting to read, I am not sure how well I would manage playing sexually and being observed. It might be a sexy fantasy but not so sure IRL.

  3. Thanks, DS, for sharing your perspective. This is not meant to be ‘helpful advice’, but more of an observation. Almost everyone who is at the major play parties is there out of curiosity. Then their partner talks them into trying something, and because they feel a sense of embarrassment, most pretend to be into it. There are very few serious players, and even fewer who ‘show off’ at play parties. But I totally get that in this environment, it’s OK to be a sub, to be pulled on a leash, anything. It’s OK. Wished that wouldn’t stop at the door. xox

    • slave sindee says:

      wonderfully written i totally agree with FD.
      play parties can be very intimidating yet very exciting

    • Here, most of the people at play parties have been in the scene for a long time. They all know each other, they play with each other, they have tons of workshops and such. It doesn’t happen often that the room is full of fresh meat, really. Everyone kind of knows each other. So the first few times, I felt like the awkward newbie. Now I more enjoy the social aspect of it, really. Being around others who are in D/s relationships and dynamics, and being able to be who I want to be without having to hold back.

  4. Totally get it, I was nervous just at my first naturist festival with nothing sexual!

  5. sub-Bee says:

    I understand the nerves and the fear of not taking enough pain compared to others but I would love to make use of equipment we don’t have at home.

    • Oh, yes, there is definitely equipment that is different from what one can have at home. Like places for suspension, or a St. Andrew’s cross. So checking out public play parties is always worth it.

  6. Kayla Lords says:

    Before I went to a dungeon/play party AND before I ever played at one, I was terrified of people seeing my body and judging it and I was sure the moment would feel awkward with people watching us. And then I saw people with bodies bigger, smaller, and everything in between from mine, and no one commented, judged, or shunned them. For me, once I played for the first time, I found I was able to forget everything but JB and what we were doing. A lot of that had to do with our connection and what he was doing (he gave me a LOT of what I really like so I felt a lot of pleasure). That being said, I really don’t enjoy watching others play — it feels strange to me and like i’m intruding on a personal, intimate moment. But I’m not a voyeur AT ALL, though I am an exhibitionist and love to play at a dungeon.

    As for what to wear…I used to worry a LOT about that, but ultimately I wear whatever feels comfortable and sometimes very vanilla clothes (which isn’t unusual for people to arrive in “street clothes”), and I strip down to a thong for an impact play scene — usually on a St. Andrews Cross. If I feel awkward, I might keep my bra on, but that’s rare (and is usually more about my headspace than the vibe of the party/dungeon). Because I get nearly naked to play, though, I stopped caring about what I wore when I attend — other than that I want to feel a little sexy.

    • You know, it is quite odd as I have been to quite a few dungeon and play parties by now, and I know the people. I can see that there is a huge variety of body types, ages, genders. I should feel safe to let go now, to be able to play, take my clothes off, and just be like everyone else. But I can’t. I am still the most dressed cis-female at such parties. I still often can’t let go during play because I don’t feel totally comfortable with the whole being displayed like that thing.
      I am an exhibitionist, but more online than I am in real life, I guess.
      I can relate so much to what you said about not being a voyeur! I am not one either and I find it quite uncomfortable to watch people play because I feel like I am intruding!
      I am glad that you were able to overcome your initial worries and are now able to be yourself at events! I hope I will get there one day too!

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