“Crazy Fucks Best!” – Making The Mentally Ill Seem Sexually Deviant And Inferior

Let me start this off by saying that I dislike when people use the term “crazy” to describe someone. It is a derogatory way of saying that someone is mentally ill. But the mental illness is not seen as something to be compassionate about, but something to make fun of, something that is not normal, something that is who someone is, instead of something someone struggles with. It is a word that many use to describe certain fun out of the ordinary behaviours, yes. Unfortunately, a lot of times, crazy means nuts, inferior, not to be trusted. And for centuries it has been a term to describe and marginalize groups that are not considered the norm: women, different races, the mentally ill.

It is a bit similar to the use of the word “retarded” which is a derogatory for the mentally disabled. It is used to inferiorise those with mental disabilities, to make fun of them and to exclude them from normative discourses.

If you use the term crazy to describe another person, you are more likely than not insulting them. You are using it in a way to make them seem mentally unstable, inferior and not to be trusted.


Okay, so there is this idea of that crazy people fuck better. I have seen it spread on social media, on Fetlife, friends who talk about it, movies which portray it. Apparently, the crazy have less inhibitions, are more impulsive and open minded, and don’t care much about society’s norms. And they are stereotypically more into crazy kinks.

But what does this “crazy” refer to? What kind of mental illness do people mean when they make such statements. They mean bipolar disorder, personality disorders, dissociative identity disorder, those with trauma in their past and those with schizophrenia. So they don’t talk about the most common and less severe conditions, like anxiety or depression, no, they mean the big nasty illnesses that are often chronic and ruin people’s lives.

There are whole blogs about how you can use and then dispose of those who are mentally ill. Apparently, no one would want to be in an actual relationship with someone who is crazy, But fuck them, and then kick them out of bed? Sure, they will go for that!

What does this “crazy” look like in reality?

There is so much wrong with this, on a lot of levels, but what I have always found most concerning was the conception of using someone’s struggles for your own pleasure, instead of helping them, or making sure they are okay. Let me give you a few examples.

Someone with bipolar disorder can be in a manic episode. That means that they lose all impulse control and become overly sexual. They also feel invincible and sometimes even experience psychosis. Yes, that person is almost up for anything. They will try out the craziest kinks, do the nastiest stuff, be polygamous, exhibitionist and rarely use the safeword in any kind of BDSM play. I can see how this can be seen as “fun”. Sure sure. But what about their health? Their lack of impulse control? People in mania ruin their relationships, their lives. They need to be on medication because they can quickly crash into depression and end up a suicidal mess. There is also a huge risk for those with bipolar disorder to end up in subfrenzy or domfrenzy, caused by a bipolar episode or causing one. Is it really worth it, having a few weeks of fantastic sex, but potentially ruining someone’s life or health?

Those with trauma in their past are often very prone to reenactment. That means they will consciously or subconsciously seek out situations that remind them of their trauma. This could be either because they need the endorphin kick or because they feel they deserve to be hurt. Those victims of past abuse might end up in BDSM and kink circles, where they run at risk to be retraumatized, to self-harm, to be revictimized. Yes, they might be able to take more pain because they are dissociated from their bodies, they might crave more pain and humiliation because that is what makes them feel alive. All this is not necessarily a bad thing if practiced with a safe Dom/me. But come on, those that talk about how “crazy fucks best”, are they really to be considered safe?

A subgroup of the trauma survivors are those with Dissociative Identity Disorder. Those are probably the most fun to play with, right? They often have amnesia about several hours of their day so even if you do something really out there, they might just not remember. And hey, they have littles, they have inner children that got hurt and are whole split personalities. All they need is love and care. You can babygirl or babyboy them, and once they trust you, you can do whatever you want with them.

Does “crazy” really fuck best?

Do those with severe mental illness fuck better? I don’t know. Everyone has their own preferences, after all. But those with untreated mental illness will have less impulse control, are more prone to try out nasty kinks, end up in the BDSM scene and are also more likely to get attached and trust you if you give them the right kind of attention. But if you want to just use them for your own pleasure, and don’t really care about how your behaviour will affect them, their illness and their lives, then you are an egocentric, cold asshole.

The pain that someone has gone through in the past, or certain imbalances in someone’s brain, will make them hypersexual and lack self-control. If you are in a safe and consensual connection with them, I don’t see anything wrong with using those symptoms to enhance the sex life of all involved. But you need to consider the effects and the aftermath. Is it safe to do it with someone who can not assess if something is a limit for them or not? Is what you are doing with them also something they’d agree on trying out on stable days? Do they use you to hurt themselves? Is their attachment to you healthy and beneficial to them?

Those with mental illness often do sex differently than most in the vanilla heteronormative society do. There is no better or worse about it. It is different. And that is okay. But that different still needs to be about consent, safety, and above all, respect. And those who make statements like “crazy fuck better” should maybe rather stay away from those with mental illness and take a look at themselves, because their behaviour might just be abusive. Those who bully what is different, often do so because they know that they are not part of the normalized society themselves either.

Read more on trauma, flashbacks and intimacy.

Read more on Dissociative Identity Disorder and Sex

Read more on Childhood Trauma and Adulthood Sex

Read more on Self-harm and Painplay


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7 Responses

  1. Floss says:

    I am really pleased you wrote this. In the opening paragraph of my own post I mentioned that ‘crazy’ is not a word everyone finds acceptable and I 100% understand why, but the full post on why wasn’t mine to write. You expressed the why of that so articulately and I do hope people consider the language they are using and if when they say ‘crazy’ they are in fact being needlessly insulting. Thank you for writing this and for sharing it to #F4TFriday x

    • It is first in this century that people became more and more aware of how defined we are by the language that we use, and crazy is just another stigmatizing word that a lot of people just use without thinking any further about it. Thanks so much for reading and commenting <3

  2. jupitergrant says:

    This :”But that different still needs to be about consent, safety, and above all, respect. And those who make statements like “crazy fuck better” should maybe rather stay away from those with mental illness and take a look at themselves, because their behaviour might just be abusive.” Absolutely sums it up. Excellent post, DS, as always.

    I totally agree with you about branding people as “crazy” as being a means of denigrating them or dismissing them. Interestingly, while I don’t see others as “crazy”, I do often brand myself crazy. Perhaps I am actually belittling myself when I do that, and also giving others the green light to dismiss me, too. I should really stop doing that. As always you’ve made me think, Deevie. Thank you ?

    • Thanks, Jupi! Some people really don’t know how to treat people respectfully and I read a post about it yet again the other day (on Fetlife) and it left me fuming!
      Self-stigmatizing is a thing, for sure. We often dismiss our feelings that way, by saying we are nuts, or crazy, or out of it. I am glad that I made you think, because maybe you will be able to treat yourself kinder from now on. Self-compassion is a thing <3

  3. May says:

    Crazy originates from the word Craze – meaning to shatter or break – and interestingly enough in the 1920’s it was apparently used in a more positive way to describe the way of life in those times
    I have been called crazy so many times in my life I came to the conclusion that it must be a good thing because I am strong, I am creative, I am sexy and occasionally a little bit wild. And I enjoy being all those things. Apparently I fuck well too 😉 – all my traits make me the individual who hates being labeled under any heading, however it is spelt.
    Really comprehensive post DS – with excellent links <3

    • I think it is the same how “mad” can have a lot of meanings as well, always depending on the intention of the one using the word.
      I think if you get called crazy a lot, at least in general, it does mean that you are outside the box and different. And that doesn’t need to be a bad thing, at all!

  1. August 6, 2019

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