Doppelgänger – Me, Myself and I
There are so many different roles and kinks in BDSM and D/s relationships and it is not uncommon to identify with more than one role or to have more than one favourite kink. That is pretty common. When you suffer from Dissociative Identity Disorder, this becomes a little bit more difficult. You are several identites in one body, you are more than one person sharing one body. And each person might have different needs, wants and roles in BDSM relationships. I am lucky enough that all of my adult and mature alters are into D/s connections and BDSM. (If this is confusing you because you don’t know what Dissociative Identity Dsorder is Disorder is, you can read up more on that here. And there is this awesome post about Dissociative Identity Disorder and BDSM here.) So this post is about Dissociative Identity Disorder and sex.
You can imagine it like several people standing in line, explaining their needs, preferences and levels of enjoyment of different activities. And you can’t always control which person is going to take over the body and respond to certain stimuli. And to be honest, most subs might have a submssive, a babygirl/boy, a degradee, a masochist and a slut inside themselves. Maybe not as exteme as alters or identities in Dissociative Identity Disorder, but maybe still in different roles depending on the Dom, the circumstances, the scene, the needs of the day.
Reading the prompt for this week’s Wicked Wednesday made me think of how I often can seem like one person but I am actually another, and how that can switch quickly during sex, related to certain stimuli. I become my own Doppelgänger.
I poked his arm. But he was focused on what he was reading. I poked again. I got a quick glance from him. Why isn’t he giving me attention? I want his attention! I poked him again and pouted. Give me attention already! He slowly turned around, pushed me back into the sofa and stood in front of me, while holding my shoulders down.
-“You want attention, girl?”
I stuck my tongue out. “Yeeeeeeeeeeees!”
“I give you attention when I want to give you attention. Poking me is not okay, do you hear me? I decide. Not you.”
I opened my mouth to reply with something snarky and needy, but he pulled my left ear. Really hard. I squeaked. He pulled me up by the ear and dragged me into the bedroom, me stumbling behind him, giggling. “Ouchieeee!”
-“How did you think this would go? Of course there is going to be ouchie now. You deserve some ouchie because you disrespected me and my boundaries. You knew this was coming, and you wanted this, didn’t you?”
I giggled. I had his attention now. Of course this was what I wanted. He pushed me on the bed, and pulled down my pants, exposing my naked butt. I wiggled my butt and giggled. “Spankies!”
The first spank made my whole body shake and I had to gasp for air. Another one, another one and another one. My butt was already starting to feel hot and tingely.
“Naughty girls …. need to …. be punished!” Spank. Spank. Spank.
I started to go silent. I enjoyed the rhythm of waves going through my body, every time his hand slapped on my skin. The pain was sweet and stingy. I could feel my arousal, closed my eyes and started to moan. “Oh girl, you seem to need something naughtier!”
He spread my legs and two of his fingers opened me up and entered me. I tried to get away but he held my butt down with the other hand. And he fingerfucked me, really hard, really fast. I screamed and moaned. “Can I please come? Can I please come?” The arousal was overwhelming, I was so dripping wet, and my skin was still tingeling.
“Not yet girl. I decide.”, he said firmly while continuing to pound me with his fingers.
“Please”, I moaned.
“Shhhh.”. I couldn’t hold it anymore. I didn’t know what to do. It was coming. I needed relief. I couldn’t stop it anymore.
“Come, naughty girl!”
A wave of relief made my body shake and tremble. “Thank you, Daddy”, I whispered.
He turned me around and I was now on my back. He pulled my shirt over my head and told me to remove my bra. There I was, in front of him, naked, needy, anticipating. I needed him to touch me, I needed him to fuck me, I needed him to make me come and make me feel like the slut I am.
But he was just observing me. He knew what I wanted, He knew who I was. And he smiled. “Needy little slut. I know what YOU need. Tell me.”
-“I need you to fuck me, Master.” – I whispered.
.”What, slut? I can’t hear you?”
-“I need you to fuck me, Master!”, I said louder.
“And who said I have to tend to your needs, mmm? I do what I want, not what you want. Let’s see what you deserve. Spread your legs for me.”
“Yes, Master.” , I said while spreading my legs, holding them up by the thighs and presenting myself to him. He walked a step towards me, leaned over me, now standing between my legs. And he pulled my right nipple, really hard. He held it and pulled and didn’t let go. Tears shot to my eyes and I tried to get him off of me.
“Kssss.”, he said, while pointing his finger at me. “Don’t you move.”
A tear was running down my cheek, as he pulled the other nipple as well. It was freeing, but yet so torturously painful. But I laid still and looked at him observing my reactions. I was still on my back, and he was now sitting between my legs.
I could see his hand move, fast, and then felt the sting on my right boob as he slapped me. And the left one. And the right one. I closed my eyes. I was starting to float and I was breathing heavily. He stopped and his right hand was moving down my naked body, squeezing the skin here and there. I was moaning. He finally reached the place and I pushed towards his hand. I needed him to touch me, down there. “Ksss. I decide, slut.”
I tried to lay still, while his finger circled around my clit and then started to rub it. Harder and harder. And I came. My whole body twitched and I came. And again. And again. One finger entered me, and then two and then three. And he fucked me, hard. And I came, again and again, and again. He laughed. “You are so easy, slut.” And I came again.
When I opened my eyes, he knew. He pulled me up by my hair and made me sit in front of him. He opened his fly and his pants dropped to the floor. I was going to be used and I was excited. “Open your mouth, whore!”
He pushed his hard cock into my mouth, all the way down to my throat, held me by the hair, pulled out again, and then pushed in again. I was being used, and I could feel the neverending tingeling feeling in my body rise to levels that were almost unbearable. “You fucking whore”, he moaned.
I tried to gasp for air and things around me were getting blurry. He pulled his cock out as I was almost choking and juices were running down my chin. He pushed me on my back, spread my legs and entered me. “You are nothing but a hole. A hole to be fucked. That is all you are!”, he said as he fucked me. I came. His words made me come.
His hard cock was swelling even more as he held up my legs by my ankles and used me exactly the way he wanted to. I was starting to float. He saw that and stopped. I gasped. He pulled out his cock, and fingers entered me. He pushed the fingers into my mouth and whispered “Taste yourself, whore. Can you taste how horny you are?”
He covered my face with his hand and spread my horniness all over it. Musky, salty, wet. I moaned, his fingers back inside me, in and out, hard. I came again.
His eyes were locked in mine. He saw me. I felt a hard slap on my belly. I gasped for air, but only for a second, then a punch on my right boob. Then a punch on my left boob. I could barely breathe and I was floating. Another punch. And another punch. I needed this, I needed him. This was heaven. I needed more.
I moaned. “What are you doing to me? How are you making me want this? I want this”. I saw him smile. “Your body belongs to me, all it wants is to please me.”
He slapped my belly again, and squeezed me everywhere. My arms, my thighs, my belly, my ankles. I felt his hard cock pressing against my naked skin. His fingers moved towards my most private place, and opened the lips. He pulled. And it hurt. But I didn’t scream. I moaned. His fingers circled my clit, he rubbed it and I came. But he didn’t stop. He continued. It was the most uncomfortable and the most pleasurable feeling in the world. He was in control. he what he wanted with me, and I was loving it. He squeezed my clit hard between two fingers, pulled it up and pinched. I screamed and came at the same time. And again. And again. I was dripping wet. I was going to squirt soon. Everything was floaty. We were all floating in blissful heaven.
Two fingers entered me, three, four. I was spread, wide open, exposed. It hurt, it made me even wetter. And then he fucked me with his hand. The pain and the sensation of being spread was overwhelmingly pleasurable. I screamed as I squirted all over his hand and arm. But he continued. And I came as my juices were starting to cover both of us. He was kneeling next me, took my hand and placed it on his cock. I stroked it, and with the next wave of my juices leaving me, his juices left him and covered my face. We had created waves together.