30 Days of Submission – Day 22: Submission without a Dominant
Can you feel submission without a dominant partner? If so, how does your submission express itself? If not, how do you handle your submission or submissive feelings?
I had to think hard about this. I don’t think submission is something that you can express on your own, because it only exists in relation to someone else. As a matter of fact, submission is unremovably glued to dominance, at least if the submissive needs are to be met.
Can someone be submissive without a dominant partner? Sure. Can someone feel submissive without a dominant partner? Of course. You can generally identify as a submissive person and display submissive traits, like being serving and obedient. But for submissive needs to be met, there has to be a connection to another person (or a system, really, if we want to go that far). I doubt that those needs can be met by someone who is not dominant. Instead, it would be some kind of frustrating space where you try express your submission but don’t get any positive feedback. Unless you maybe work in the service sector. I can imagine that being a waiter for instance, could meet some submissive needs!
Personally, I only identify as submissive in relation to a dominant that I trust. So I am going with the statement “I am submissive but I am not necessarily your submissive”. My submissive needs are there, always. They have always been there, but they can only be met in a certain context, in a certain safe space. For many years of my life, there was a yearning in me, a yearning for being in a BDSM D/s relationship.
But that thirst would not have been stilled in other areas of my life. And I was okay with that, although the nagging need sometimes overwhelmingly strong. I think that there are actually risks of the submissive needs leading to unsafe situations. If your submissive needs become overwhelmingly strong, you might make impulsive decisions and try to get your needs met by unsafe partners, for instance. I wonder what other ways to get those specific needs met there are in general though.
See, I am always a submissive, that is my role in the D/s relationships I engage in. I always have those feelings. But I definitely don’t have to always express those feelings in all contexts or connections with other people. I actually have a quite dominant personality and I am a leader in many areas. And I don’t feel the need to express my submissive feelings in professional contexts, with friends or even with random people. I think they are more of a private thing for me, something that is linked to my very core, to a part of me that I protect because it oozes vulnerability and raw personal feelings.
My submission, however much it is about needs that I have, is something that I give when I feel safe to do. And the only space I feel to express those needs and feelings is in a safe, consensual D/s dynamics, not in any other areas of my life. All I feel comfortable is sharing my reflections and thoughts about my submission, like here on this blog, but not in a way that would meet any of my submissive needs.