*Muah* I am a Kiss Slut!

A kiss can bear so much meaning. or mean very little. It can be a quick touch of lips or an enticing dance of tongues. Lips can be bitten, pulled, and licked. The anticipation building up before a first kiss is one of the most exquisite experiences. The passion shared in a kiss that is going to lead sex can be a lot more delicious than any other touch. Fingers in hair, hands on shoulders, fingertips brushing over cheeks. Heads tilted, leaned back or pulled back.

A kiss can be much more intimate than a sexual encounter, and can mean so much more than promises uttered. There is the old tale that prostitutes don’t like to kiss their customers because it would suggest an intimate connection that they don’t want to build up with a client. True or not, I can relate to the sentiment of a kiss bearing a meaning that is so intimate and personal, that it can make my heart flutter and my skin to be covered in long trails of goosebumps.

My First Kiss?

I didn’t like my first kiss. I’m actually not quite sure if it was totally consensual, I crackled under peer pressure in that moment and just went with what the cheering crowd demanded. Yes, I had an audience for my first kiss. I was 10 years old. I was on the school yard after school and was waiting for my friends to meet me after gym class. A boy from the nearby secondary school had been stalking me for a few weeks: always waiting for me after school, walking me home, coming over to my school during the long recess. So this early afternoon he was yet again waiting for me.

Looking back, he definitely had a crush on me, but he never really told me that. He was just being awkward and sometimes intimidating. So that one afternoon him and his friends were waiting for me. I knew all the boys so I just walked over to them to say hi. They formed a circle around me and the boy that had been showing interest in me. And without any forewarning, he pulled me towards him and kissed me on the lips, long and hard. I had my eyes wide open in shock and didn’t even know what was going on! Everyone around us was cheering and I remember blushing. He then stroked my cheek and said: You are beautiful. After that, the group of boys left. I was standing on the concrete alone, flabbergasted and confused about what had just happened!

My First Real Kiss!

A few months later, I was 11 years old, I had my very first boyfriend. M was 16 years old and worked at the local kebab shop. For a while, I ate a lot of döner kebab, just to be close to the boy behind the counter! My friend J dated his best friend, and the four of us were quite inseparable for a few months. M wasn’t always kind to me, he was often high and in front of others he degraded me, made fun of me, even hit me.

Years later I met him at a local goth club, he walked up to me, and apologized for treating me badly. He said that it had plagued him ever since we had broken up and he really wanted to apologize. He wanted to make sure that I deserve to be treated well and with respect. So I really had closure on the bad things that happened between us.

But the kissing! I remember my first real kiss with him, and it was absolutely wonderful! We were in his room, on his bed, hugging. His pet rats were eating some treats we had just given to them (pet rats were punk rock back then!). A German punk band was playing on the radio. And our lips met. He had the softest lips and I could taste the coke he had just drunken, the sweetness and stickiness of it. Holding the back of my head, his tongue slowly pushed my lips apart. He was so gently, it was so erotic, there was such a passionate tension between us. Our tongues started to play with each other. I was so very present in that moment, taking in every touch, every sensation, every small detail.

We kissed for hours. I remember walking home with my friend J who had come over to his place later that day, and she told me that I looked drunk. I was drunk on kisses!

After M, I had many many partners, some were good kissers, some were really bad kissers. I was quite disappointed with the fact that not everyone is great at kissing. There were those that used way too much force, those that always had their teeth in the way, those that shared liters of saliva. I never even once had any complaints about my kissing techniques. Actually, I was known for being a good kisser. I tried to always avoid having to have sex with people, so instead I focused on hours upon hours of making out. During my teenage years, I must have kissed hundreds of people. I have made out with all of my friends of all genders. I just love kissing so much! And I don’t regret it, even if that makes me a kiss slut!

The Fun of Kissing

There were two kissing encounters that were quite funny. One involved my boyfriend MR. We only dated for three months, when I was about 18 years old. We were quite a mismatch in many areas, but we were a perfect fit when it came to kissing.

One night we were at our local rock club. It was quite the crazy place of debauchery. Goths, punks, metalheads, rockers. A huge dancefloor with people moshing. Cheap beer, sticky floors, huge clouds of cigarette smoke. So we were standing in a corner of the dancefloor, making out and kissing. We were really passionate when we were kissing, almost eating each other up. A bouncer tapped us on the shoulders and told us that we were being too sexual and that they can’t allow such exhibitionist behaviour at the club. We got kicked out of the club! I got kicked out of a rock club because I kiss too passionately!

Another kiss I really want to mention happened at another club. My best friend at the time was S, a gay trans* guy. He was the most beautiful person you could imagine, almost ethereal. Tall, skinny, porcelain skin, always wearing high heels, short PVC skirts and corsets, a lot of silver jewelry. His long nails were always painted black. He had an undercut and long black hair, was wearing some piercings and his make up skills really outdid mine. He had blue eyes and the most luscious lips. I was so so attracted to him! But he was gay and I knew I would never have a chance. He was a fantastic friend and I loved being around him for his humour, his intelligence and his wit.

So. We were at this goth club with about 15 of our closest friends. Okay, this was a joke. In the clubscene, and the goth scene, you had some real friends, and some club friends. People you went out dancing with, got drunk with, but who you not necessarily know much else about. We were all sitting around a table on three sofas. We had just danced to some great tunes and the DJ was playing some inbetweener classics which allowed us to sit down and catch our breaths. Tipsy jokes created a light atmosphere.

S was sitting next to me and leaned into me to whisper something into my ear. The music was loud. He asked if he could kiss me. My jaw dropped! He was gay, wasn’t he? Was he sure he wanted this? Well, he told me that he was incredibly shy (I know that, dude, you are my best friend!) and that he had never kissed anyone in his whole life. He wanted it to be with someone he cared about. I had seen him reject hundreds of men. He definitely would have had the chance to kiss anyone, if he had wanted to. We were both 20 years old at this point and I could see the sadness in his eyes, never having kissed anyone.

So I took a huge sip out of my glass with absinthe (because absinthe makes the heart grow fonder!) and smiled at him. I touched his face, he touched mine, we moved closer to each other, and we kissed. And oh boy, was he a kisser! I closed my eyes and really took it all in. We kissed for quite some time, I remember two of my favourite songs playing and humming the lyrics in my mind.

We opened our eyes and smiled at each other. And then we looked around. And all of our friends were starring at us, frozen. open mouths, like they had just seen a ghost! The questions were in the air: Isn’t he gay? Aren’t they best friends? Is this a dream? Has the earth stopped turning? It was the most hilarious moment, and S and I just started laughing! I am quite sure he will never forget his first kiss!

I still love kissing. It is a way to create intimacy, a way to show love and a way to make a connection stronger. I usually don’t like rituals but I need to have a kiss before my Master goes to bed at night, just to show affection for each other. Kisses are lovely little things that make life just a bit more beautiful.