How A Porn Film Shaped My Sexuality

Let me tell you a story. I was about 11 years old and I was alone at home. This was in the early 1990s. My parents and my siblings were on a day out and I was supposed to stay at home to study. But I was already a rebel back then, so instead of being nose-deep in my books, I was being nosy about my parents’ VHS collection. I just grabbed a random video and pushed it into the VCR. For you youngsters, that was the device we played videos on back in the day.

So there I was, sitting on the floor, legs crossed, with my pigtails and my braces. The movie started and it seemed like some bad piece from the 1970s. The music sounded like it, the mustaches definitely looked like it. The first woman on the screen was wearing short shorts. There was an actual story to it, and I started to like the pouty main character. She was kind of a cute rebel, just like me! I was a bit worried about her because she got drunk at her dad’s wedding and then drove off angrily because he didn’t give her enough attention.

And boom, it happened, she had a car accident! But two gentlemen came to her help when they saw her unconscious on the ground. They tried to losen some of her clothing so she could breathe better. Nice of them! But then, one of them pulls down her dress a little and exposes her naked breasts. They remove her underpants because they seem too tight around her body. So there she laid, exposed, naked, and absolutely ravishingly beautiful. I felt a tingle in my ladyparts and didn’t quite understand what that meant.

Even less did I understand what it meant when one of the men started to fuck her. Now, I don’t know about you, but that seemed very much like a non-consensual scene to me. But was it really? She regained consciousness and hugged him, and reacted. She seemed to enjoy herself. I watched her gorgeous breast wiggle with each push inside her. Her lips parted. I myself sat there with my mouth wide open.

The poor woman has amnesia because of the accident and the film was about her trying to find out who she was and where she came from. She traveled to San Fransisco with the two gentlemen. She was recommended to see a cousin of one of them, a doctor. But all he did was force an enema on her. I giggled as the clear water fountain came out of her butthole. The movie had a lot of hilarious scenes, so poor little me was all confused about what was actually happening. We could see her dad and her stepmon having sex, and then afterwards talking about how worried they were about the sweet girl’s disappearance.

In San Fransisco she had to get a job, and ended up being a toy for a bunch of lesbian sex workers who put on a live show using her. She got taught how to masturbate by a therapist, who then fucked her. So her journey to find out about her own identity was paved with various, deviant sexual experiences And the end of the movie? Well, oh my, she finally remembered who she was, Because she ran into her dad and his wife at an orgy.

The movie is called Pretty Peaches and is from 1978. Can you imagine the effect that kind of film had on my young mind? I was shocked, and confused, but also very intrigued! It didn’t have a lot of vanilla sex in it, but it also wasn’t full of fake bodies. There were beautiful people, but still, no porn stars in the definition of today’s adult industry. While there were some hardcore scenes, the majority of the scenes where not about the brutal fucking you see in most modern porn. There was a slowness to it instead. There are some scenes that are questionably in the non-consent corner. But for me personally, that was a turn on. I can see how it would have been triggering for others, though!

So yeah, how did this all affect little Miss DeviantSuccubus? Every time I got the chance and I was alone at home, I popped in the VHS into the VCR. I learnt how to increase the intensity of the tingling feeling between my legs, and how to get a relief from it. I had my first orgasms watching that movie, and I imagined being the sweet Peaches, other times I imagined being the one touching her. Because the porn movie was so different, it helped me widen my horizon for all different kinds of kinks, and for BDSM. I also discovered that I was into men and women. And because on the screen, all kinds of sexualities seemed to be celebrated, I wasn’t bothered by the thought of being bisexual either.

The film shaped my idea of enjoyable sex, It helped me discover my own sexuality and my libido. I was a serial masturbator for years. I loved to touch myself (I still very much do!). And because I watched it alone, I looked at it with curious eyes, I wasn’t influenced by anyone’s judgment. And you know what? I watched the movie today again, together with my Master, It is still entertaining. And it was playing in the background for another one of my first: I got fisted for the first time today. What is it with me and this movie?