Starfuckers

My god sits in the back of the limousine
My god comes in a wrapper of cellophane
My god pouts on the cover of the magazine
My god’s a shallow little bitch trying to make the scene

I have arrived and this time you should believe the hype
I listened to everyone now I know that everyone was right
I’ll be there for you as long as it works for me
I play a game
It’s called insincerity

Starfuckers

I used to be one of those girls who traveled throughout Europe to follow a band on their tour. I wasn’t necessarily a groupie but I hung out with the groupie crowd. I have never been someone who throws herself at anyone. I was just admiring my favourite musicians from a distance, sometimes I got closer, but I never tried nor insinuated anything sexual with them. That wasn’t me then, and it wouldn’t be me now. I did date a few musicians in my teens but they were in local bands and the main reason why I ended up with them wasn’t the fact that they were musicians. We were in the same scene and there were just a lot of musicians in my friend circles. I was bound to end up with one. Nevertheless, musicians have something that I find attractive, and I have always been particularly drawn to bassists and singers.

Sexy Musicians

It is not that they are particularly attractive physically. It is more their talent, their intelligence and their lifestyle that I find sexy. I love people who are creative and political and most of the music that I listen to is by creative political people. They often go their own way, have their own style, don’t care about societal expectations and follow their passions. I would pick a poor artist over a rich CEO any day. I’m not one to swoon over a pretty boy. So the musicians I like are rebels, are talented, and basically don’t give a fuck about what others think. I find that sort of attitude very sexy. So fuck yeah, musicians are hot!

If you’d ask me which musicians I find attractive (and who’d I have definitely fantasized about while masturbating), then there are a few names I can list here. There is Marilyn Manson, and there is Twiggy Ramirez. Ville Valo and Dave Gahan. Gwen Stefani and Shannon Hemmett. But still, I have met most of them in real life, have had conversations with them, and never tried to hit on them. I never saw them as sexual objects, and I doubt that they want to be seen that way either. Well, apart from Marilyn Manson who used to call himself the God of Fuck. But the times I met him, I was just in awe and couldn’t even express any sort of intelligent thought, or any sexual thought. It was more like, oh gosh, please please don’t let me make a fool of myself. I am cool like that.

The Groupie Crowd – Starfuckers

But I have met many groupies and one of my best friends actually slept with quite a few “famous” musicians. And a lot of the crowd around the bands is all sexual. I mean, even the soundguys and roadies get laid all the time, and have girls throwing themselves at them because they could get them closer to their real object of desire. And I remember my friend giving a handjob to the bodyguard of the Bloodhound Gang so we would be on the guestlist for their concert (we were broke and couldn’t afford tickets), or another friend sucking off a soundguy for Zeraphine for the same reason.

And I didn’t judge. I mean, gosh, if any of those musicians that I found attractive would have hit on me, I would not have said no. And come on, who wouldn’t want to tell their grandkids about the time they had a threesome with Marilyn Manson or spent a night with Dave Gahan? I remember meeting Jon Bon Jovi and a girl just flashing him. As in “here, it is all yours!”. He just laughed. It was such an awkward situation! But her friend filmed it and they were both superexcited.

But the groupie world wasn’t all fun and games. There was a lot of jealousy and drama going on. I think the worst it was with Marilyn Manson. There were so many very very pretty girls following the band everywhere and whenever one of them was invited backstage or onto the bus, the others were very upset and rude to that girl. I have seen more than one fight with girls pulling each other’s hair, or throwing things at each other. If you really want to sleep with the musician, then things get real!

Feeling the Drama

There was one situation when even me and my friends had to deal with the drama. We were at a hotel in East Germany and sat at the bar with the band HIM. They knew us at that point and we were often invited to hang out with them after shows. Not as groupies, but just as buddies. Everyone got incredibly drunk that night and also pretty high. We were joking around, singing, hugging. Like friends would do with each other. The band had to go to a quick meeting about their travel plans the next day.

So my friend and I were sitting at the bar on our own for a few minutes. Two girls walked up to us, definitely part of the groupie posse. And one of them poured a full glass of beer over my friend, over her hair! We were stunned! She said something about us not being pretty enough and then stormed out of the hotel. Some of our other friends who sat close by got furious and started yelling and that is when we got kicked out of the hotel. It was all very confusing. I remember Ville Valo looking at us with a huge question mark for a face and I just shrugged as security pushed me out of the door. If you really want to sleep with the musician, then things get real!

Although I never joined the groupie gang (to be fair, in comparison to those girls, I really wouldn’t have stood a chance anyway), I sometimes couldn’t stay away from objectifying the musicians I admired. When Ville Valo’s hipbones were showing (I have a hipbone fetish, sue me!), when Manson’s outfit was perfect, when Dave Gahan was shaking his butt. But I wouldn’t have cared if a guy looking like a copy of them was standing next to me. It was the fact that they are talented and creative artists that made me look at them differently.

I am every fucking thing and just a little more
I sold my soul but don’t you dare call me a whore
And when I suck you off not a drop will go to waste
It’s really not so bad you know once you get past the taste, yeah
(Ass kisser)

Starfuckers
Starfuckers
Starfuckers, Inc.
Starfuckers

All our pain
How did we ever get by without you?
You’re so vain
I bet you think this song is about you
Don’t you?
Don’t you?
Don’t you?
Don’t you?

Now I belong I’m one of the chosen ones
Now I belong I’m one of the beautiful ones

Lyrics are “Starfuckers. Inc” by Nine Inch Nails.

Image is Marilyn Manson from the video to “Long Hard Road Out of Hell”, a video many refer to when they say they want to fuck him.