Nudity and D/s – Safety in Vulnerability

I’m not particularly fond of my body. I avoid looking at it in mirrors and I even don’t look at myself when taking a shower. I just don’t find it aesthetically pleasing. So I do like being able to control how I dress it up in a way that it looks better. And I am okay with sharing erotic or nude photos of myself with the world because I am able to control angles and edits. But that isn’t really being nude, is it? Being nude means that I’m not hiding anything. That every bump, stretchmark, stray hair and flappy skin shows. It means being extremely vulnerable. But nudity in my D/s is a totally different story, because I feel safe in exactly that vulnerability.

Being Naked in a Relationship

In every relationship I have been in, I was hiding. Even during sex, I tried to control angles, I was wearing a bra to push my boobs up, a dress to hide my big belly. I would often wear make up to hide my tired eyes and blemished skin. Up until I was about 22, none of my partners had ever seen me fully naked or without make-up.

I was always in control of how I showed myself, of how I was seen. I needed to be in control because I had been bullied so much for my body shape, my boob shape, and the way that I looked. And I was bullied based on how people saw me when I was dressed and wearing make-up. I couldn’t even imagine how horrified someone would be if they saw me without make-up, without a bra, without shaping stockings and dresses and skirts hiding my shape.

I became more daring with my first husband. But even then, I was still wearing a bra at home, I would not walk naked out of the bathroom and when we had sex, it was either in the dark or I couldn’t look at him so I wouldn’t see his (imagined) horrified reaction. He did see me without make-up a lot, especially when my mental health declined and I just didn’t have the strength to make sure I looked presentable every day. To be fair, he never, not even once, commented negatively on the way that I looked. All the negativity was in my own head, and I assumed that he would judge me.

Things weren’t a lot better in my next relationship, with my first Master/Daddy. He was very judgmental about my body and actually often asked me to wear make-up, put on a bra and commented on my weight a lot. He used erotic humiliation as a way to bring that critique further, I believe. While he wasn’t necessary a bad person, he didn’t always behave like you’d want of a partner, which is supportive and openly showing attraction to you.

Nudity and Body Comfort in my Current D/s

But fortunately, things changed dramatically with my current Master. He has never uttered a single negative word about my body or the way that I look. And it is not like he has to try hard to avoid saying anything judgmental. No. It is the way that he is. He accepts my body and the way that I look, with no restrictions. He is attracted to me and would never ask me to change my looks for him, or lose weight to look better, or to wear a bra so my boobs have the perfect shape. Him being this way has been very freeing for me.

Physical Nudity

I’m not worried about judgment about my body from him at all. He is a very direct, no bs, person. When he says something, he means it. So when he gives me a compliment, I have no doubt that that is what he feels in that moment. As a result, I feel way more comfortable not wearing a bra, and during summer days even clothes, at home. While I still avoid looking at myself in the mirror naked, I have no problem with him seeing me in the nude.

The biggest change has definitely happened in the bedroom. I don’t feel the need to wear make-up or anything to cover my most unattractive parts. I’m okay with having sex in broad daylight, naked. He made the commitment to be my Dominant, my Master, and he gladly makes use of my sexual availability. He wants me to be naked with him. Sometimes, he even commands me to take my clothes off. It is an absolute safety that he provides.

It is odd, really. Because he hurts me (with my consent, of course), but I feel safe being vulnerable with him. He provides safety in a sense of that I can absolutely be myself, physically, emotionally and mentally, and there is no judgment. I can trust him to never use anything that is difficult for me, against me.

Emotional Vulnerability and Nudity

Any nudity, for me, has to do with emotional vulnerability. It is about beating the fear of judgment, the fear of being classed as disgusting and undesirable. It is never about physical vulnerability for me. I can take physical pain and strong stimulation. But it is about being vulnerable enough to be myself. And in a D/s relationship, I think that should be one of the foundations of its success. To be able to go fully into my submissive role, and allow myself to be dominated, I need to feel safe enough to be vulnerable and to give all of me.

So not only am I comfortable being in the literal nude around my Master, I’m also very much emotionally and mentally naked with him. There is no mask, no barrier, no wall. He knows everything about me. And he doesn’t use that knowledge against me, but to improve our connection. Sexually, emotionally and even in the D/s part of it. Because if he knows everything, he can tailor his dominance, avoid triggers and set priorities.

I remember one particular instance. I was crying, I hadn’t showered in days. At that time, I was struggling mentally, badly. And he was sitting next to me on the bed, consoling me. And suddenly he turns silent and looks at me. “Why are you staring at me like that?” – “I am just astonished by how pretty you look, even when you cry.” I’m at my most vulnerable, and he finds beauty in it.

Being nude is natural. It has only been through years of socialization and societal pressures, that human beings went into shaming nudity. And that shaming has also involved a discrimination of imperfections. It is important to find spaces that allow us to be freed from the chains of what society tells us about our bodies. And it is ironic that I found that freedom in being the submissive in a D/s relationship.

Read my reflections about body image

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