A New Adventure: I am a Sex Worker
I have lived a thousand lives and have reinvented myself in many different ways. It was often more because of a need for change than because of a want for change. The things that I had dedicated my time to in the past were more anchors for me to hold on to so I could swim further in the ocean of life. They were not unrealized dreams or long-planned goals. They just happened. That has made my life quite an adventure. I have moved countries twice, I have had many jobs. I excelled in academics. And I am married for the second time. I worked as a community leader in a mental health organization. And now I am a sexblogger, and a sex worker.
There have always been three things in my life that I never lost touch with: my ability to adapt, my curiosity and my creativity. No matter what adventurous path I was walking on, I had those three things that kept me connected to who I am. And now that I have started another adventure, I feel like my curiosity, my creativity and my ability to quickly learn new skills will help me on this new journey yet again.
I am a Sex Worker – Why?
That is probably not something I would have imagined for myself when I was a teen. I wanted to be a writer, and I still am a writer. But with the current climate in the sexblogging community, trying to work harder on getting your work published, seems like a daunting exercise. it is something that I still do, and will continue to do, but it is not the exciting bubbling volcano of creativity that I want it to be at the moment. And that is fine. I will pitch more articles in the future, I will write more stories and I will also finish my novel.
Money and Talent
But in the meantime, what do I do? I hate feeling stuck and like I am not getting anywhere. A lot of my life has been about feeling hopeless and helpless. And my opportunities to live a fully functioning life are quite limited due to my health conditions. What I have done in the past is to draw from the things that I am good at, and build something new with them. And that is where sex work comes in. Well, I don’t mean that I am good at fucking. I am good at fucking, by the way. I was more thinking in terms of enjoying erotic photography and being okay with showing myself in positions that others might deem pornographic.
So it is not like I am going from zero to a hundred. Instead, I am taking something that I am already doing, and enjoy doing, and turn it into something that could potentially help me with my financial situation. Because you know, I am a poor sod with no income, and I really really want to save some money for a proper camera. The financial motivation has made it easier for me to make the decision. But I am also not totally delusional: I know that I am a niche person, I know that I am not mainstream in the way that I look and in the content I create. But darn it, I need money!
Creativity and Body Image
There is also the creativity aspect. I sometimes need the push to do things. And knowing that people pay for my content and my creations, means that I will be pushed more to come up with ideas for pictures and videos. Not to mention that I never felt comfortable posting videos on my blog, and that certain content I wanted to create felt too porny for this website. So I am quite confident that a push for more explicit material, and being able to do things more freely, will be good for me.
I think that self-confidence and sex positivity play a role here as well. I have (and will always) struggled with my body image and I have some really bad days when it comes to the way I view my body. But with the help of this blog and the feedback I have generally received the last few years, has helped me appreciate my body more. Right now, I am in a place where I actively want to work on improving my body image and fight my internalized fat phobia. And I think becoming a sex worker will help me a lot with that.
I have also for years slut-shamed myself. I hid my sexuality. And through this blog, I have been able to free myself from the idea that it is bad for anyone to enjoy sex, and to want to do it often. I think when doing sex work, it is important to actually enjoy doing it so you don’t burn yourself out or fight with constant feelings of shame or fear of being outed. Would I be a proud sex worker? Well, it wouldn’t be the first thing I’d tell someone about myself. But I wouldn’t be ashamed of it either, and that is a huge step for me.
Sex Work and Safety
I have long struggled with my views on sex work because of society’s views on it. Growing up in Germany, sex work was not that big of a taboo. I knew some sex workers but back in the 1990s, it was more physically close work: striptease or walking the streets, working in brothels or being an escort. I never judged anyone for it, but I also always worried about my friends’ safety. Then living in Sweden for 12 years, influenced my views as well. Sweden has basically a zero tolerance on sex work. And the ones screaming the loudest about banning sex work, are slut-shaming feminists, assuming that all sex work is coerced and hence unsafe. I never totally thought of it that way. But I did wonder how many sex workers actually were forced into their line of work, and my concerns about safety never ceased.
Today, with the internet, I think there are ways to engage in sex work that are safe. And that reduces the risks of physical and sexual assault, and health concerns such as STDS. I love that sites like OnlyFans or Clips4Sale give the power to the content creators and sex workers. It is sort of empowering and I think that the risk of coercion has been immensely reduced. And that is why I choose sex work online, because I feel like I am in control. And because I am not scared of being doxed, I don’t have a lot of things to worry about. Other than knowing my boundaries and limits, of course. Sex work today is so very different from sex work 20 years ago.
Judgment vs. Support
It is quite ironic that both my last two partners before my current Master were concerned about me going into sex work. My ex-husband always felt like I was being too sexual on camera with him already 15 years ago. And when I was dating others after our divorce, he often commented on that I should be careful with who I engage with. Because they might just record me or force me into sex work through black mailing. He went as far as cutting off my internet access sometimes due to his fears.
My Daddy/Master before my current one, was very controlling of the content I uploaded online, especially on Fetlife. He was concerned that people would pull those pictures off the site and share them on porn sites. He didn’t like the idea of me being used like that, being degraded like that. And he was somewhat worried about how it would reflect on him, I believe.
What neither of my partners actually considered was how I felt about it. I didn’t mind if my stuff was out there. I like being objectified. And I like knowing that people get off to my pictures and videos, I even enjoy cum tributes. As long as those people don’t get too pushy or try to invade my space, try to make me engage with them sexually, or harrass me, I am fine with people seeing me as a sexual object. As a matter fact, it gives me an adrenaline kick. Part of me thought, that my partners were worried I would be laughed at. Or that people would make fun of me, and would be nasty about my body type. I am not sure if that is truly what they thought, or if it was my internalized fatphobia.
My Master is very supportive of the step that I am taking. And I know that his primary incentive is always to keep me safe. I know that he would veto any unsafe behaviour I engage in, and he knows what I am doing. Heck, he even helps me take pictures and videos, and is in some of them as well! Having that kind of support from him is very important to me, because I feel like I am not totally alone on this new adventure of mine.
I know that being a sex worker is not easy. It is actual work. But I am motivated, and excited. I am creating content almost daily, and it has blossomed my creativity. I have so many ideas that I am sort of set content wise for many months ahead. And I do not have the highest expectations when it comes to revenue or subscribers. I am willing to put the work in and see where it all leads. Because that is what I have always done. A new path in my life opens up for me, and I am walking on it with creativity and curiosity, excitement and a willingness to learn.
It would be silly not to after this post, so here you go, the link to my OnlyFans. Subscribe if you want to and support my work!