Erotic Photography and D/s – What is the Connection?
Erotic photography and taking sexy pictures of myself is a quite new interest of mine. I have always struggled with my body image and internalized fatphobia for a long time. And I thought that erotic images were not the sort of niche of photography that would work for me. I have talked about my evolution with photography before: going from tame but dark pictures, to a sort of newfound confidence in having control over the way that people see me. I have never really reflected upon how my D/s relationships had an effect on my photos, and if being a submissive has anything to do with taking more daring pictures.
The First Nudes
The first nude I have ever taken, I took for my Swedish partner back in 2004. But those pictures were grainy, taken with a webcam, in a dark room and they were not very revealing. I felt very uncomfortable in my body and no one had ever seen me fully naked, at least not with my consent. And I was shy and I couldn’t fathom why anyone would want to see me in any sort of sexual context anyway. I dated that man for 12 years, married him and then eventually got divorced from him.
During all those years, I only took a handful of sinful or nude pictures. But I dared sharing some of them on a very sex-positive music forum. They were not your usual nudes, but more artsy, with corsets, ripped stockings, and the setting was very important to me. I think that was when my love for erotic photography sowed a seed. But not much came from that for many years. I was living my life in the real world, the internet was not my focus, and sex wasn’t important to me either. I was in a monogamous vanilla relationship and my sexual needs were muted.
My First Master and Strict Rules
My next relationship was a D/s relationship. We were living in different parts of the world, and it was all very new to me. He was very protective of me, and at the same time loved having control over as many parts of my life as possible. I quite liked that because it made me feel safe and I wanted to please him. And for a while that was quite healthy fot me, as he set my schedule on things, helped me with eating healthily and to not neglect self-care. And he loved to tell me what to do. So he often requested certain pictures. It could be about a body part, a setting, an angle. I loved that my pictures became a thing of submission, something I could do to please him. I felt objectified as well, which is something I really like in a D/s relationship.
But once I had Fetlife account, I realized where my boundaries were when it comes to control over the pictures of myself that I take and share. In the beginning, I tried to obey to his rule that he was the one to decide which pictures of myself I was allowed to upload to Fetlife. His objective was to make sure I was safe and protected, and he assumed that naughty people would steal those pictures and share them with people not on Fetlife, and I would end up on pornsites. Only, I didn’t care about that. I had discovered a kink of mine: consensual objectification. I uploaded pictures to Fetlife because I felt okay with being seen as a sexual object in that space with the help of that particular picture. And I was okay with taking the risk of the pictures being spread. Sharing sinful pictures of myself online and realizing that they were appreciated and no one was fat shaming me, was a huge revelation for me.
I had agreed to his right to veto any pictures he thought were too pornographic. But I quickly realized that I didn’t like that rule. I felt like I was limited in something that was important for my personal growth. It was a bit ridiculous, thinking of it, because he loved calling me his whore, and now, when I actually wanted to show the world just that, he stopped me. We had many arguments about this, and discussed the rule over and over. In the end, I tried my best to not upset him, and didn’t post any too revealing pictures.
A New Relationship and Real Support
Things changed when I also started dating my current Master. I am polyamorous, so I was in two relationships, and each of my partners had another relationship too. This gave me a lot more freedom, because I now had two people who were involved in my sexlife, and the pictures I took. The new relationship was so different and he was all for me posting whatever pictures I wanted on Fetlife. As a matter of fact, he suggested masturbation videos, and also more naughty pictures. There was definitely a bit of a conflict around the pictures I was supposed to take and show to the world, and in the end it turned out that Master 1 was just very possessive and didn’t like the idea of sharing me with anyone.
Once I ended the relationship with him, things became different. I started to love playing with my phone camera, got more creative and started seeing my body more as a prop to be used to re-create an image I had in my mind, than only a sexual object. But don’t get me wrong, I loved the attention I got! It made me realize that I very much love objectification and even cum tributes. And it was wonderful to see that my Master was very supportive. He sometimes even thought I was not going far enough. He tread carefully though because he was aware of my body image issues, and he wanted me to feel comfortable and okay with my decisions. I was in control of which pictures I took and which ones I shared.
It was great to realize that he didn’t understand why I’d be worried about that I could look unattractive in certain pictures. He wanted to empower me to see my own beauty. His confusion when I was having a meltdown about having posted a picture where my belly was showing, made me realize that he found me beautiful, and that there wasn’t even an option for a picture of me with my belly showing, to not be sexy. It was a very important moment for me: I realized that there was a possibility that I wouldn’t be bullied for being fat.
My Erotic Photography Today
Nowadays, things haven’t changed much. The erotic pictures I take are very much about some sort of concept for me. I have an image in my mind and want reality to come as close to that image as possible. And my Master helps me with that. Oftentimes, I take the pictures myself, with a tripod. He is there though, always present, for emotional support. Because I can become very anxious very quickly if a picture doesn’t turn out the way I want it to, and then I need his emotional support. He has actually written a really comprehensive post about what it is like to take pictures with me.
Sometimes he is the one taking the pictures, especially when we are not at home but somewhere out in nature. And then I give him directions which he tries to follow. We revise the pictures quickly and then see if an angle needs to be changed, if the scene works or not. He knows about my anxious nature and doesn’t get offended when I become snappy or short. I appreciate that in those moments, he is first and foremost my supportive partner, and not my Master. And I am the one who does the editing, but I always ask for his feedback.
I have realized that taking erotic pictures of me fulfill some kinky needs for us both. He wants to share me (the ultimate fantasy being to share me with other people in real life) and my pictures being in a public place like my blog, comes very close to that. And I love being objectified in a space that feels like I have some control over. I don’t feel unsafe sharing those images because I decide what I share.
We are thinking one step further with an onlyfans account. I have set it all up but there are still some things I need to fix to get going with it. It won’t be porn in the traditional sense, but I have a lot of ideas that are both creative and still a step further from what I am doing with my blog. My Master is very supportive of the idea because it would meet his need to share me with the world, and he knows that it would most likely help me with my body image issues. I definitely trust his judgment and I am very certain that he will do his best to keep me safe and help me decide what is appropriate for who I am and want to present myself as, and what isn’t.
My D/s relationships have definitely had an effect on my erotic photography. Someone else having control over the pictures that I take and that I post, is a hard limit for me now. I need to feel comfortable and safe with what I do, but I also don’t want to be held back in my creativity and my growth. But I do need my Master to be involved in the process and I enjoy knowing that posting erotic images of myself is meeting a need for him as well. We will see how far this journey is going to take us, but it is good to always have a second opinion that I can trust when I am unhappy with the way that my body looks.