Body Love: Q is for Queefing

I admit that it is difficult to find an interesting topic that starts with the letter Q, and that is also in some way related to the body and body love. But after some thought, I came to the conclusion that some of my reflections should really be about things that are embarrassing. I don’t mean the way my body, or any body, looks, but more like bodily functions and such. Every society has its own taboos, and they are very much related to what culture you are from, what laws there are in your society, and what kind of taboos your caregivers have conditioned into your mind.

Taboos

Some taboos make totally sense because they are about avoiding getting sick. Like, you should not poop at the dinner table, or on the streets. Or you shouldn’t sneeze someone right in the face (I think someone should tell cats that!). Others are about assumed cleanliness, like how you are not allowed to be around a menstruating woman in some parts of the world, or that farts are yucky. Whatever it is, taboos and forbidden topics, they are all about keeping things in order. And they come from experience. If you look at how some of the taboos in the Western world have developed, you can draw a close connection to how it looks today in indigenous tribes. Have I read way too many anthropology books? Yes, I might have!

A lot of taboo kinks are considered taboo because they seem unsafe, unclean or like a threat to the existing order. People don’t even think about why they think something is appalling, they just react instantly. It is because we get taught that certain things are to be kept private or should be considered deviant. No one thinks about if those things actually are dangerous, or if there maybe are ways to engage in kinks in a safe and consensual way.

Queefing

I think the same applies to some bodily functions. I am not saying we should all be pooping on the streets like our ancestors used to. But some things are actually natural, and safe, and nothing that is dangerous. We all do them, and they are nothing to be ashamed of. One of those things is the topic of my post today: vagina farts!

Now, for those of you who don’t know: queefing is releasing vagina farts. But the thing is: they are actually not farts. It is air that got trapped inside the vagina and then gets out again. And it is not about gas, it is not smelly, and it is a very common thing to happen, especially during or after intercourse.

It makes sense that some air gets pushed inside your vagina when a cock or a toy gets in there. Most of the time it is not a lot of air, but other times, it is a bit more and that air tries to get out again and when it does, it makes a sort of farting noise.

And what do you do? You feel ashamed and disgusted, and your partner might even judge you! Although they are absolutely normal and common. You are not disgusting for queefing, and your partner should not judge you. I mean, honestly, it is sort of the same with real farts: they happen, to literally everyone on this planet. And when you are in certain sexy positions, and you are relaxed, of course it can happen that one might slip out, But yeah, I am talking about queefing and not actual farts, so let me try to stay on topic here.

I have realized that there are certain position and practices that make me queef. One of those positions is doggy style. I think it has to do with that my cunt is spread wider than it is in other positions, and when something gets pushed in, air gets in too. And then the air gets out during penetration. The first times that happened, I was absolutely embarrassed. I said sorry and blushed. I thought I was disgusting, that there must be something wrong with me. And it didn’t help that my partners also reacted with confused disgust.

So I eventually did some research and found out that it is something that is common and nothing to be ashamed about. But did that help me? Nope. I think it had to do with how I have been conditioned that certain bodily functions are disgusting and you need to be ashamed of them. And because queefing sounds a lot like farting, your mind just automatically goes into disgust and shame mode. And my partner went into shaming mode, because that is what automatically happens to them.

With time, I have learnt to just ignore when I queef. I just don’t give it any attention anymore, and go on with the program. It really only happens to me in doggy style or during fisting. And I am mostly so deep in subspace at that point anyway, that I don’t take much notice of that sort of sound. It took me a while to get there though. I don’t think I will ever be like: oh, this is supernormal, stop shaming me. But I don’t actively engage in shaming myself anymore, and that is progress!

I think there are a lot of bodily functions that we are ashamed of because they have become taboos, no matter how natural they are. It is fine to want to stay safe, or to not want to talk about certain things. And we need to make sure that children learn that it is not okay to eat their own poop. But some things, like queefing, do not pose any danger to anyone’s health, and really shouldn’t be shamed.

I am doing the A to Z challenge during the month of April (and apparently beginning of May). My theme is Body Love. So you will get 26 posts from me, following the alphabet, related to the topic body love. You can check out more about the to A to Z challenge by clicking on the banner. You can find a list of sexbloggers participating in the challenge on Mrs Fever’s site.