D/S Relationships and Resets – Sliding Dynamics and Bratty Moments
When people read up on Dominant/submissive relationships and BDSM, they often get presented with shiny ideals where roles are forever set in stone and the power exchange runs smoothly once the consent discussion has been done. But the reality of things is different from that. A power exchange in a D/s relationship, even if it is only in the bedroom, needs to be constantly reaffirmed and worked on. And if one partner in the connection is sliding in their role, then the whole dynamics is at jeopardy for the moment. But there are many ways to make sure that both feel confident in their roles again, and to be reminded of what their responsibilities in the relationship are. Resets are one of those ways.
When Things Have Been Sliding
In my D/s relationship, resets are needed when things have been sliding for a while, but also on days when I am too bratty, or I take over too much. Things can slide for so many reasons. It could be because my mental illnesses or my physical illnesses make life more difficult for me, and priorities are different. When I am in depression I am not able to do as much. When I am anxious, I can’t follow all instructions and commands. And when my physical health is really bad, I am unable to do even the simplest tasks. So there need to be adaptions. My Master needs to take care of me, he can’t demand as much from me, sex might be on the back burner. He becomes more of a caretaker Dom, then the Master he usually is. It could also be that he is struggling with stressors in life, is particularly anxious, busy or is sick.
Circumstances can make it more difficult to stay in our roles, and sometimes the D/s part becomes less prominent in our relationship. We might realize it but it isn’t a priority at the time. But once things are back to their normal ups and downs, without the extremes of uncontrollable circumstances, we notice that things have been sliding. We don’t address each other as Master and puppet anymore. He doesn’t give commands and doesn’t take charge. And I take over more often than I should as a submissive.
I feel lost without someone being in charge and I very much crave for him to take over. There is a need for a reset, the reminder of that we are in a D/s connection. I need for us to set it in motion again once a difficult storm has been ridden out. What I need is for him is to show me that he is in charge. But putting fire back into our D/s dynamics needs to be an effort coming from both of us. It helps when I address him as Master again, and make sure that he sees that I am trying my best to please him. That often awakes the dominant side in him, and he starts giving commands again.
But the real reset always comes in a physical way. At least it does for me. However nice it feels to call him Master, it is first when I physically feel that he is the Dominant, that I am able to let myself settle in the submissive space again. It can be pulling my head back by the hair when he wants to kiss me. Squeezing my arm really hard when we are watching a movie together. Or sex: when he just pushes me down and takes me the way he wants to, gives me pain, tortures me. When he is physically dominant (and sadistic), that is when I am most comfortable to be confident in my submission to him.
Bratty Moments and Resets
And then there are the resets that we need every now and then because I am too bratty. Being the brat that I am, I still know where the limits are of how far I can push. But I also enjoy him showing me where those boundaries lie. And if he doesn’t, for whatever reason in that moment, I push more. I take over, I don’t listen, I poke, tease and wait for him to show me who is the boss. But if I push too far, then the things become crooked. I am suddenly in control, or I make decisions, and everything becomes just all wrong.
In those moments, when I have pushed it too far, a spanking on the butt is not only what I crave, but also what resets our dynamics. I get relaxed in his grip, I feel soothed by his hand slapping my willing flesh, I feel like I am his submissive, and I totally respect and adore him as my Master. Sometimes, all that is needed is a firm look, a squinting of eyes, But it is yet again the physical closeness that makes it easier for me to in the space I am supposed to be in.
You Decide What You Need and is Okay For You
I don’t think there is any shame in that you need resets in your D/s relationships or dynamics. If your power exchange takes priority even over illness and life’s circumstances, then it is a rarity. All relationships need work at some point, and old routines might just not cut it anymore. It is okay if every day life has taken over, or if you needed to put the D/s dynamics on the back burner for a while. There are many different ways to reset the power balance and exchange in your D/s connection: a word, a squeeze, a planned scene, a command, physical touch.
I also don’t think that 24/7 needs to mean being constantly frozen in your roles. A Dominant can need support too, a submissive might sometimes be the better person to make a decision in a moment. D/s is something that should improve your relationship, meet your needs, and a way to make each other happy. And you decide how that works in your relationship, and what kind of resets you need in what moments, or if you are okay with things being vanilla for a time as well.