I Don’t Like Receiving Oral Sex
Cunnilingus is something that for some reason most people expect women enjoy receiving. I wonder if this comes from some heteronormative and patriarchal idea of that if men like someone to suckle and lick their genitals, surely women must enjoy that too. But I think receiving oral sex is a kink like any other. It is not something that everyone enjoys giving, and not something that everyone enjoys receiving. And that is okay. But because it is a sort of mainstream kink, everyone assumes that surely it needs to be part of a normal sex repertoire. I don’t like receiving oral sex and I am quite sure that I am not alone with this.
Blowjobs vs. Cunnilingus
I love giving head. I very much enjoy getting face fucked, licking a cock, sucking it, nibbling it. The feeling I get when I realize that what I do to a man with my mouth is making him hard, is overwhelmingly positive. I like gagging on cock, I like getting nasty with my saliva on male genitalia and oh my, do I love when someone just pulls my hair, forces me to open my mouth and take of all their goodness in. The reason why I like doing all that is because it tickles the submissive in me. I can please my Master when giving him a blowjob. I am on my knees, in a sort of helpless and definitely submissive position. And I please him. I give him pleasure, I focus on him.
Now, if someone goes down on me, it is sort of the opposite. The focus is on me, and my pleasure. I am expected to enjoy it. I am being served and taken care of. I don’t like feeling that way. I want to be used, and hurt, and I want my pleasure to be secondary. In some weird paradoxal way, it is exactly that, that brings me pleasure. Having to lay back and enjoy being pleasured? That is a sort of torture I don’t want to experience.
Cold Streams of Yuck
It’s not only that. The first few times someone went down on me, I found it very much a turn-off. They sounded like a huge slobbering dog trying to drink water. My whole cunt was drenched in their juices, and I felt it slowly run down into my butthole. I am not sure if that is supposed to happen, but cold saliva running down on me and creating lakes inside my butt? That is not the most pleasurable experience. I wouldn’t call the event traumatic, but just thinking about it, makes me shiver and dry up.
I’ve tried it a few more times and while those experiences were somewhat better, they weren’t as mindblowing as mainstream porn may want you believe they could be. For one guy it was the first time giving oral to a woman and he felt that women tasted weird, and the other times were with my current partner. It wasn’t bad. It was just not, well, great.
I think a lot of my dislike for receiving cunnilingus has to do with that it is too vanilla, too slow, too soft. I like it rough. I need pain, humiliation, control. I love being squeezed, punched, pinched. I want to be fucked properly. Someone slowly circling my clit with their tongue doesn’t really seem to meet my needs.
And the Mind Wanders
I just feel uncomfortable when I am in a vanilla situation in the bedroom. And that is what cunnilingus feels like to me: a mainstream kink in the vanilla corner of things. My mind starts to wander and I get uncomfortable. I just don’t get distracted enough, the sensations aren’t strong enough. So I get anxious instead, worrying about if I taste okay or if they find me disgusting, worried that I would suddenly fart, worried that I might not have shaved well enough and they will get a stray hair in between their teeth. And once my mind is there, I can’t relax anymore. I wonder if I am supposed to move, to push myself against them. Am I supposed to come? I can’t come this way, it is too soft, too teasing, I need more pressure, more roughness. Maybe I should fake it?
I don’t like receiving oral sex. I don’t judge women who like it though. Good for them! I can see how it could be really nice. Someone focuses on you, someone wants to pleasure you. Soft teasing movements. We all need different things in the bedroom. But for me, cunnilingus is boring, unpleasant and it just makes me feel uncomfortable.