I’m on my knees,“Kiss” – London After Midnight
I beg your mercy,
My soul is my loss,
I’m well hung from your cross.
This picture captures an intimate moment between my Master and me. I love our closeness and the way we are drawn to each other. This image really showcases that well. It also represents our dynamic. I am on my back, he is on his knees, ready to control my movements. The marks on my arm were created by him, during another play time. My fingers are embracing his manhood, wanting to give him pleasure, wanting to make him feel good. My head is in a dangerous place, one wrong movement and his balls will be lowered onto my face. Humiliation is never far. My nipple is hard and ready for his pinches and pulls. And my face? I have an expression of total bliss. I am where I belong. I am where I want to be. This image depicts the beauty of our dynamics and our relationship. Bliss.
However much I enjoy what this picture describes, there is another reason why I am posting this particularly today. An old friend from Sweden reached out to me, on Instagram. She found my NSFW account and decided to send me a message. Her message said: Seriously, stop putting yourself out like that on the internet. I choked, And I didn’t reply. I still haven’t. I felt hurt, and judged. I don’t care what random people think of me, but those who are my friends (or used to be anyway?)? I want them to like me, and to be supportive of me,
A million thoughts went through my head. Why shouldn’t I post sexy or sinful pictures of myself online? I can’t come up with a valid reason. Other, more judgmental people, might. I am too fat so I should be hiding under a rock. I am fat, and I know it. I don’t like my body, but I am allowed to take space in the public sphere just as much as anyone else. It is embarrassing. Posting those pictures doesn’t make me feel embarrassed or ashamed and assuming my emotions is invalid. It is porn. There is kind of a blurry line between porn and erotic pictures. I wouldn’t describe my pictures as porn. I would describe them as body positive and sexy. But even if they were porn, why are you shaming sex workers? Mm? A decent woman doesn’t do it. I don’t care what a decent woman is supposed to do or not to do. I am not a decent woman, and I am pretty proud of that too. It is desperate. Desperate for attention? Sure. Desperately naughty? Sometimes!
I never replied to her message. But I hate that it got stuck in my head and it made me feel bad. So with this picture I am taking back my space. This picture has a cock and tits in it. I am posting it online, with my face showing. And I am proud of it. Judge me all you want, I won’t stop being sex positive. You hear me?