30 Days of Submission – Day 7: Discipline and Punishment
Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission? How do you feel about it?
Punishment and discipline, oh my, what a fun topic! I never really thought I’d have a need for discipline or punishment, to be honest. Punishment was something that I confusingly enough got a lot as a child, so why would I want that again, right? Well! As I said in an earlier post, I am really craving something that I am used to, but with someone that I can trust. And I think, no, I am quite sure, that all of my bratty behaviour has only one goal: punishment!
I poke, I tease, I defy. And I do that so I get the reaction that I desire: being forced into submission with the help of pain and punishment. But here is the thing! I think that is more “funishment” than anything else. When I am bratty, I am ready to play. I want to feel pain, I want to be controlled, I want to be used. So although my Master’s reactions to my behaviour could be classified as punishment to discipline me, I don’t experience them as punishment. So I think I am definitely going to need to make the distinction between funishment and punishment.
Funishment is something that I enjoy. It is the pain and control that I crave, sexually, as a submissive. See, others might ask their partner for sex when they feeling like they are getting randy. I poke and let me inner brat play. Until my Master has enough, chases me around, pulls my ears, pulls my hair, throws me on the bed and spanks me. He takes over and uses me. Fun Fun Fun!
Punishment, on the other hand, is something I don’t enjoy on a sexual level. I get punished when I am disobedient and disrespectful. I get it when I cross a line without actually playing around. It could be a snarky comment, a refusal to obey to a command or when I am being rude. There is a huge difference between being a playful (but respectful) brat, and actually being disobedient and disrespectful. I see punishment as a tool to help me grow become a better submissive, and with that, a better person. Punishment is something that I don’t enjoy in the moment, but that I am grateful for.
I am not a perfect submissive, and I am not saying that because of my brattiness. My brattiness is part of my submission. I am just so used to being in control in so many areas of life, and with other people, that I don’t always naturally find myself in a submissive space outside of the bedroom. And I want to be a submissive, a good submissive, to my Master. I really want to. I have realized how awesome it makes me feel when I am able to please, and how it has helped me to get order into my life. But I definitely need reminders, because it doesn’t always come naturally to me, outside the bedroom.
We have had a quasi 24/7 Dominant/submissive relationship for quite some time, without actually calling it just that. So there were no strict rules, but one thing was always an understood constant: I was to be respectful and when he makes a request, I am to follow that. But that doesn’t always register with me! We still haven’t really worked out any specific rules yet, but we have changed some things already.
We discussed how I need strict commands so it is easier for me to obey. When someone suggests something to me, I am generally trying to weasel my way out of it if I don’t feel like doing it. Like: “What about you go and make us some food?” is a suggestion. But saying “Go make us some food!”, is a command. My Master has now turned to commands instead of softer suggestions, and that has been incredibly helpful!
Do I always obey now? Nope. I am still learning, I admit that, haha. But when I don’t obey, I get punishment. It actually is quite hilarious sometimes because I first don’t even recognize that I have been disobedient. I can see it in his face though. He tells me to do something, I say something snarky back, and his facial expression changes. I suddenly realize what I have done and quickly apologize. But too late! I get scared because I know what is coming, and I am not really prepared, and I get spanked, my ears get pulled, I get punched on the butt or boobs, or squeezed really hard on my upper arms. I deserve it, and afterwards, I might just pout a little and ask for a hug. It is a learning experience!
I wonder how it will be when we have stricter rules, more specific rules. Will those be easier to follow than just a general understanding of obedience? They just might! That is going to be interesting to see.