30 Days of Submission – Day 4: Itching to Switch?
Do you switch into a dominant role at any time? If you are in a domestic discipline relationship, are there things that you maintain control over? Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you?
This is going to be a complicated post for me to write. I don’t identify as a switch, but parts of me are very representative of a dominant personality. As I have discussed earlier, with my mental health issues, there are different parts of me, and some of them definitely have dominant and sadistic tendencies. But most of me is submissive, I know, it is confusing! Basically, because of my dominant personality traits, it is easy for me to take control and to lead others, and sometimes I like poking others, manipulate others and observe how they react. But it doesn’t give me any direct pleasure, it is more like a curiosity, as in: I wonder what would happen if I pressed this button?
I think when my Master and I discuss things about our relationship, when issues come up, when we make decisions together, I have just as much a say as he does. But in some areas he has more control than I do, and other areas I don’t let him touch. One of the areas that is a no go for him is handling my mental health issues. I decide how I handle them. But I dont mind him taking control of my routines, for instance. So I am submissive in our relationship, and with our soon to be implemented rules, I think that submisison will even get stronger.
Sexually, I am definitely a submissive. I don’t think I would ever be able to get sexually aroused in a dominant role, especially not with men. I find men who try to be submissive to me, very sexually repulsive, it is the biggest sexual turn off for me. I could probably make a living off that, telling submissive sissies how repulsive I feel they are. But that is the thing: I don’t want to tell them. I could be friends with them, I could hang out with them, But I would never want to play with them. I would literally walk away. But then confusingly enough, wouldn’t that maybe be a turn on for them? Confusing! Sometimes I bite my Master, sometimes I pinch his butt. But that is not dommy behaviour to me, it is the brat in me playing, poking him, wanting him to react and overpower me, punish me. I guess that kind of behaviour could be seen as topping from the bottom, at least for short periods of time, before I just let go and float in the wonderful subspace.
The only area I am slightly (but just a teeny weeny bit) curious about is being dominant with another woman. But there is no urge to try it out, there is no need. My Master is aware of some of my sadistic tendencies, although I am not sure I’d call them sadistic, really. It is more an observing curiosity. And once someone actually listens to me, or follows my lead, they become boring to me. My dominant personality in general, would definitely make it possible for me to play with a submissive woman. But I am just not too sure what that would give me. The thought of having control over another person or their sexuality does nothing for me sexually. But! My Master is really curious about me being curious. So there is this teeny weeny window: if my Master would tell me to dominate another woman for his pleasure, I would do it. If he were to observe and would dominate me to dominate a woman, I wouldn’t use the safeword. That is the only scenario I can imagine being able to switch into a dominant role. I am not sure how comfortable it would be for me. It wouldn’t surprise me, if I ran around panickly. not knowing what to do with the power and constantly apologizing for any pain inflicted. It would probably be a very hilarious scene!
I am doing the 30 Days of Submission meme/challenge. If you are interested in doing it too, check out this link which has all the questions ready to be used!