30 Days of Submission – Day 12: Financial Submission
Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself? If no, is there a particular reason why? Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission? Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?
I am familiar with the concept of financial submission but it is not something I engage in. I wouldn’t want to engage in it either. There are a lot of reasons for that, but the most important one is: I don’t have any money! Haha.
Honestly, it is a part of the submissive spectrum that I am not interested in. I am on the other side of the coin instead: I am being taken care of financially at this point. And it is not the ideal situation for me. I would like my relationship to be equal on that front, I would want both my partner and me to contribute to the household financially. Money has always been an uncomfortable area for me because it had been used to control me in the past, and forced me to do things that I really didn’t want to do. At the moment I am not working though, and I don’t have an income. So I am financially dependent on my Master for now. It kind of fits the roles that we have in our D/s relationship though. He is a caretaker Dom and a Daddy Dom, and I often take on the role of a babygirl. Taking care of me financially is part of that realm. He doesn’t seem to mind at all, he gladly does it. I am the one that is feeling uncomfortable with it.
I think it has partly to do with that I am coming from a background where money was used as a tool of power and consequent abuse. As soon as I was able to earn my own money, I worked. I worked when I went to highschool, I worked when I went to university. I wanted to be financially independent. I’ve always been quite poor and I don’t need a lot of money to be able to survive, but that money not being my own money is quite uncomfortable for me. Who knows, maybe I’ll be more comfortable with it in the future, and see the financial caretaking as a natural part of our D/s relationship. Or maybe I’ll be making my own money, and contribute. However it will go, I am not interested in becoming a financial submissive, my means would not allow for it, and at this point I really don’t want any money exchange to be a part of my relationship.
I am aware of what financial submission entails though. Financial submission is basically gifting money to a Dominant as a submissive gesture. This doesn’t mean that it has to happen in a 24/7 Total Power Exchange relationship, or in a sexual connection. There are submissives whose main fetish is to financially submit to a financial Dominant. The submissives in those kinds of connections often take on role names like cash pig, ATM human or money slaves. The Dominants are referred to as findoms, findommes, money mistress or cash master.
I think there is quite a lot of stigma around financial submission and financial domination, because people see it as paying for sexual favours, or someone being used. But I can see how financial submission can be giving for someone who likes humiliation and pleasing someone. Seeing how you are being used for materialistic needs, can be rewarding for someone who is into it. The only think I am a bit iffy about is that it can be difficult to see if the people taking on the dominant role in an exchange like that, are actually dominants in a D/s dynamics, or if they are faking it just to get money and gifts. The question then is though: if both consent to it, and both get what they need from it, would it really be a fake kind of connection? And who is to judge, as long as there is consent? I find it sad if others in the BDSM and D/s community look down on those who solely get pleasure from their a financial D/s connection. Your kink is not my kink, but I don’t judge your kink.
I don’t judge people who engage in sex work, or sell favours, it is their deal, not mine. I am not sure I agree that selling sexual favours is a D/s kind of a thing though. So if anyone would include that in a financial D/s dynamics, I would be a bit concerned and confused by that. Not because it was happening, but because they would define it as part of a D/s dynamics.
I am doing the 30 Days of Submission meme/challenge. If you are interested in doing it too, check out this link which has all the questions ready to be used!